#and not to be mean or anything because it's makes me sad too but i think that if there's like cameos of the OG characters
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Don't mind me being late as always ;-; but Ari (as you already know) this was magnificent!
Words can't describe how much I despise Yunho in this fic đ The audacity to be rude (straight up mean) to the MC WHILE KNOWING THEY ARE MATES KWEHFKWLEF THE MC IS BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE I WOULD TEAR UP THAT BOND SO FAST-
Okay, before I lose my crap let's talk about the things I LOVED WITH THE FIC.
San. San and the MC's friendship is so pure and cute. I can just see him befriending little strays, taking them under their wing like đ„č so cute. The second best thing to happen is Petrova and MC. The equivalent of I'm a mean girl to everyone but you and that's so đ€§ ugh, Petrova is just misunderstood PLEASE HEAR HER OUT-
And well, despite me not liking Yunho... I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE FASHION TASTE YOU GAVE HIM. I was literally growling when he was first introduced. Like wdym pink crop top, waisted yellow jeans, mix-matched sneakers???? I NEED YUNHO IN A CROP TOP NOW. AND PAINTED NAILS AND LIPS TOO
Anyways, back to hating him:
âYou shouldnât show yourself to just anyone, Y/N, itâs lowly.â The pang in my heart was more painful than anything I had experienced before.
You already know my opinions about this whole scene, BUT I CANT LET IT GO????? WHO DAFUQ EVEN SAYS THAAATđđ MURDER!!!!!! UGH, I just knew his grovelling was going to be BAAAAD... there's nothing better than reading a story where the love interest is an asshole and then has to make up for it, but the MC is already through the heart break lmaoooo like its your turn now babes!!! man im getting so angry just thinking about what he put the MC through I can't even put it in to words lmaoooo (its literally fiction too, like its not that serious helpđ)
Yunhoâs heart skipped a beat as vanilla wrapped around us, his eyes regaining that pretty spark in them, âYes, just one chance, I beg. Iâll prove myself to you, Iâll treat you right, and Iâll love you unconditionally. I want to make up for the lost time, may Iâcan you let me? Iâll do whatever you ask of me.â
AND LOOK WHO COMES CRAWLING BACK AFTER GETTING A TASTE OF THA- đ No, but ari... that steamy scene YOOOOOOOOO I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO BE THAT NASTY AND KWJNF (ngl I died tho when the reader grabbed his ass- but same girl)
I could literally write forever about this fic, like the BRACELET QLFQ THE JEALOUSY AS IF HE HAS THE RIGHT TO EVEN BE JEALOU- but im afraid I'll get so worked up and its not good my heart đ
BTw, kudos to you for really putting the MC's sorrow and sadness into words. I was really heart broken reading this as if I had a fated mate who was actively cheating on me đ I love it
Take your breath away
Author: bvidzsoo
Pairing: werewolf!Jeong Yunho x werewolf!female reader
⟠Warning: nudity, quite suggestive at times (honestly, they are pretty horny for each other), cursing, unhealthy amount of subtle (or not) jealousy and possessiveness ⟠Word count: 28.9k ⟠Rating: mature ⟠Genre: supernatural creatures!au, academy!au, werewolf!au, omegaverse-ish!au, unrequited love!au...or is it?, mates!au, angst ⟠Summary: New beginnings are always scary, and you are no stranger to them as your family moves to a town called Nocturnal Parade, filled with other night creatures. You find lovely people here, a community, a pack to have your back, and even a best friend called Choi San. What you don't expect, however, is to find your mate, who wants nothing to do with you.
A/N: Hi, my lovelies, I am back! I know I was gone for a while, and I won't lie, I wasn't inspired at all and felt really depressed (some things just pilled up for me in these past autumn months and that mixed with seasonal depression have hit me hard), but I am feeling a lot better now! I won't promise anything, but I'll try to post again more often, and hopefully continue the on-going series I already have. Please, please, please, imagine Yunho in this one with long hair, like in the top-middle picture! And for those who have read my Mingi Preying on you tonight oneshot, I have some exciting news...this story happens in the same universe, sooo, you'll get more insight on everyone's character! ^^ (If you haven't checked it out yet, you should give it a read, the world building goes more in-depth there ^^) Also, important note to keep in mind: everyone in this story goes by the 'Song' surname since they are siblings! I hope you enjoy this story too, and a small reminder, your feedback always gives me an inspirational push, so I greatly appreciate hearing what you think of this oneshot! <3 divider ~ and because I might as well dedicate this oneshot to you for hyping me up and helping me out with it, I hope you enjoy it @hongjoongspoetry <3 ~
           No matter how long I looked, heâd never glance my way. I had gotten used to his constant ignorance, but it still stung. I couldnât help it, it was the only reasonable reaction considering we were mates.
It wasnât anything we had spoken about, let alone even addressed, but I had known since the very first time I had laid my eyes on him. It was the change of my pulse, the way the world seemed to quiet around me, my breathing which got shallow, my pupils dilating and my eyes switching to an orchid colour that seemed to persist as my heart thundered in my chest, loud, and overbearing as I couldnât help but watch the tall man who people surrounded, his head thrown back and mouth shielded by his long fingers as his body shook from laughing loudly. Until now I had only heard stories of what finding your mate felt like, but now I knew the feeling. I didnât need to read fairytales about it anymore, nor would I pester my mother for the nth time to retell her story about meeting my father. I wasnât desperate, per se, to find my mate, but the worry of growing old on my own had felt like a mosquito always buzzing around my ears, unable to kill it since I couldnât see it. The fear of remaining alone seemed to persist in the back of my mind, and based on my mood, sometimes it would make me angry while other times just really anxious.
While living in Colourful River, the big city from North here, finding a suitor for myself had always felt like a challenging feat. There were too many creatures and humans alike who were too nosy and pestering, and I had never felt like I could be truly myself around them. I didnât have many friends, humans or creatures, and at first, I blamed it on my shyness. Then, I started blaming it on my nerdiness as school rolled around, then it was the thought of being too plain for anyone to find me interesting and approachable, and then I gave up on finding an answer and decided that perhaps I was meant to be lonely, like my parents. In the big city, despite having lived here our whole lives, it seemed like we never found ourselves belonging to a community. Living closer to the border, the cities and towns were inhabited by many night creatures, however, that didnât seem to change much when it came to my family. Maybe it was because we were all quiet and reclusive, maybe it was because we had never truly felt comfortable surrounded by so much happening at all times. And that is why I hadnât felt any type of resistance or regret when my parents packed up our things and announced to me that weâd be leaving for a quiet and safe town just South of Colourful River, far from the border and the humans.
Nocturnal Parade has been a place Iâve heard plenty of. I knew it was inclusive of all the night creatures while being heavily influenced by the clergy. After all, itâs the town where the first attempts at a civilised and united nation amongst the night creatures had sparked. The vampires had taken the initiative, better said the Petrova family now known as Bae, were the founders of said town and the party that now advocated for all the night creatures all around the globe, making our voices heard, demanding respect and inclusion. They were, also, the ones to end the hatred between vampires and werewolves. Thanks to the effort and constant hard work, the werewolves had complied and formed one of the strongest alliances known to mankind with the vampires, pledging to fight by their side, to honour and respect them if their passion was returned by the vampires. And the respect had been mutual, the Petrovas didnât stop until justice was brought to everyone, until every night creature could live a harmonious and pleasant life. It was a bit nerve-wracking to know Iâd be cohabiting in a place with such ancient and respectable creatures from now on. From what I had heard of them until now, I knew only the daughter and her parents lived there still, keen on carrying the townâs, but also the familyâs, legacy.
I wasnât afraid of the change, however, I was reluctant and a little hesitant to join the Academy that had ultimately become a symbol of our unity and equality between us creatures. Back at my old schools, which were just simple regular schools frequented by both humans and night creatures, I wasnât very liked. Everyone seemed to single me out, even my own kind, and they hadnât always been the nicest about it. I supposed they saw me as an oddball just because I didnât enjoy chasing a ball in our breaks and would rather play video games on forums with online friends, than play pretend that I was part of their made-up pack. Which brought another issue to light. My family had never belonged to a pack. My fatherâs family had long ago moved to Colourful River, leaving behind their abusive and mistreated past, meanwhile, my motherâs family had always been tightly-knit but not inclusive of strangers. So, as the elders all died, it was just my parents and me. I didnât have any siblings, which seemed to make me even weirder since most werewolves reproduced more than once as they preferred to have big households full of children. My parents rather enjoyed the peace a single child, like me, offered them. The less mouths to feed, the better.
However, my worries seemed to be in vain once I had finally arrived in town, and then at Wilden Pine Academy. The town was lively and buzzing with creatures at every corner, all of them friendly and lacking the judgement and nosiness of the big city folk, who always watched you with inquiring eyes, desperate for a drop of gossip. Here, in Nocturnal Parade, everyone seemed to respect your space and didnât pry anything out of you, they were simply grateful that you had chosen their haven as your home. Moving here had been probably the best decision my parents couldâve made. I liked it here, living by the outskirts of the Haunted Woods was refreshing. I could go for evening runs whenever I wanted without having to share my space with other restless werewolves, who genuinely enjoyed sharing the running track with their friends. I always found solace in solitary, I could clear my mind when it got too loud in there. Runs were pretty much therapeutic to me, I quite disliked it when I was bothered by other rambunctious werewolves whoâd howl at the night sky just for the fun of it, mostly to spook the humans that ogled us rather disrespectfully.
My aloneness, however, wasnât chased away until the academic year started and I passed through the tall iron gates of the Academy. It was a sunny day and I was impressed by the heat despite being surrounded by vast forest, the drive a long four hours until the next town, which was Nocturnal Parade. My parents were probably more excited about me starting my penultimate academic year here than I was, but it didnât bother me. I knew they wished Iâd make happy and lasting memories here, unlike the lack of them at my old schools. They hoped amongst so many night creatures Iâd find at least one person who was like me, or even if not, creatures who would accept me the way I was. I hadnât been walking down for long the gravel path when my backpack was pushed off my shoulders as someone ran past me, only to pause once they realised their actions. My luggage was heavy as I had been pulling it after me, but the boy who I thought wouldnât even apologise for bumping into me, turned and faced me with furrowed eyebrows and a small pout.
âSorry, my parents always say I get too excited and lose my coordination.â The boyâs voice had been gruff, a contrast with his soft features despite his sharp face. His eyebrows were straight, his eyes small and dark, his nose petite and pointy, lips pouty and fleshy, his jawline and cheekbones both sharp and defined. His short hair and the razor cut in his left eyebrow made him look intimidating until he spoke or smiled. His lips formed a pout and his eyes disappeared as a dimpled smile formed on his face, brightening his features. He was a cute boy and I had let him help me pick up my backpack, which, surprisingly, he didnât hand back and threw around his own shoulder instead, âAre you the new family in town? The Byuns?â
I nodded and then extended a hand for him to shake, âMy name is Byun Y/N, nice to meet you.â
âIâm Choi San!â The boy shook my hand with excitement lacing his tone, âI was on a holiday when your family arrived in town, that is why I wasnât able to attend the welcoming party organised by the Songs.â
âAh, itâs fine.â I muttered as I had started walking again, San falling in step with me, âThe party was ratherâŠoverwhelming. Not that I didnât appreciate it, but I had never been surrounded by so many loving people at once.â
San chuckled under his breath as he seemed to carry his two duffle bags as if they weighed nothing. It wasnât hard to guess what type of creature he was simply based on his appearance already. He was massive next to me, his shoulders wide and strong looking, his chest puffed out and back rigidly straight, his hips surprisingly narrow, but his legs well-worked. He wasnât too tall, but he had almost a head on me. Besides, his spicy scent was strong and confident, a little bit too harsh for my sensitive nose buds, but not nauseating. And like the rest of the werewolves who had been at the welcoming party, I felt no malice nor judgement coming from San, just a lot of excitement and joy as he had led us towards the right wing of the Academy, where the designated dorms for the werewolves were.
âIt might sound a little bit strange, but all the werewolves act like a big pack here in Nocturnal Parade, I assume you didnât have that back in the city?â Sanâs perfectly straight eyebrow raised as he threw me a quick glance since we were nearing more students, and San was obviously popular. Everyone seemed to greet him, eager to gain his attention.
âNot really,â I answered San, walking ahead to pull the buildingâs door open for him, âMy family didnât belong to a pack, actually.â
That had gotten Sanâs attention as his eyes widened once we stepped through the threshold, the inside of the building just as grandiose as the outside. It was spacious with big windows, natural light seeping through and casting a warm glow over the space, âIt mustâve been lonely, then. But fear not, the Songs will adopt your family quite quickly, if they havenât already.â
I smiled, my heart had skipped a beat at the mention of the kind, but energetic family, âThey have already, actually. They had pulled my parents aside before the party and told them that we were now part of the pack, of the family, and that the community would be there for us.â
San hummed as we went up the first flight of stairs, a small smile on his face, âOur community hadnât always been as close as it is now, but with the Songs' arrival to Nocturnal Parade everything just fell into place. I donât think I had seen them go a day without doing something for the town or for their fellow creaturesâhey, which floor is your room at?â
And that had been one year ago, when I was new to the town and wondering whether San would ever again speak to me. Right now, however, as we sat in the Flower Field behind campus, laying on a blanket and basking in the late afternoon sun, I knew San wouldnât go a day without speaking to me. Spring was finally around the corner, and so was the Spring Break every student was impatiently awaiting. One week back home sounded really nice right now, I never failed to miss my privacy. The dorms at the Academy were shared, and my roommate snored really loudly and whined all the time. It was hard to discipline the second youngest of the Song family, so the Academyâs ruling board decided to place her with someone older than her, more mature, and possibly a good influence on the fiery blonde who liked to wreak havoc wherever she went. Not in our shared room, though, I had laid down some ground rules after rooming with Song Yeri. No loudness nor messiness was allowed, and of course, she couldnât bring back boys into our shared room. As long as I didnât, she wasnât allowed either. She wasnât thrilled by the idea, but because her parents had gotten really close with mine over the past year, Yeri was forced to abide by the rules out of fear of me ratting her out to her loving, but unforgiving, parents.
The air was still chilly and youâd become cold if you sat in one spot for too long, but the bodies of werewolves were warmer, our blood hotter, almost to the point of boiling in our veins. My cheeks were rosy as I sat with my legs crossed, a book in my lap as San hummed a silent tune next to me, laying on his stomach as he solved equations. He was planning on leaving for the big city to pursue further education, but he promised to return once he was done with it. He aspired to teach at Wilden Pine Academy, and I was more than eager to be his number-one supporter. He was great with children, and even those older seemed to respect him. San had a demanding aura, and despite him never taking advantage of that, he did know when he had to put his foot down and stop someone from running all over him. Being friends with San had showed me the wonders of companionship, of what a natural and gentle, but platonic, love felt like. I could share whatever was on my mind, at any given time, and San would be there to listen, and even take my ideas further beyond my imagination.
He was a driving force when it came to my creativity, always inspiring me and pushing me to do better and to go harder because I was capable of creating grand things. I wasnât too sure of what Iâd do once I was done with the Academy, but I could see myself being a novelist. It wouldnât be easy at first, but if I remained diligent and focused on my task, I knew I could do itâat least San had told me so, he was kind like that. Whenever I felt insecure about something, he picked me up and changed my mind about it in mere minutes, grinning from ear to ear as his eyes twinkled. If kindness had a definition, it shouldâve simply said Choi San, and I was sure everyone would understand why. The serenity surrounding us, however, didnât last for long as a squeal of my best friendâs name echoed around the blooming flowery field. Sanâs body tensed for just a second before he turned onto his back, sitting up as he leaned back on his hands, looking towards the boy he was too scared to confess his true feelings to.
âSannie!â With little regard for those around him, Wooyoung threw himself at San, tackling him back down into the blanket as San groaned, the back of his head colliding with the hard ground, âStop doing your homework and come on a run with me, hmm?â
Wooyoung was a charming young man, mischievous and painfully loud, but he had good intentions. If I ignored him always trying to sway San away from studying, then yes, he did mostly have good intentions. I shifted a bit since Wooyoungâs leg dug painfully into my hip, who was still ignoring my presence as he blinked at San slowly, placing his hands on my best friendâs firm chest as San tried to stabilise Wooyoung by holding onto his waist.
âI have a bit of homework still to do, though.â Sanâs voice was quiet as the sun shone down on the two friends, and I smiled to myself as I went back to reading my book, âCould you wait for half an hour?â
âBut Iâve been waiting all day for you.â I could hear the pout in Wooyoungâs voice, breathy and whiny as I chuckled under my breath, eyes focusing on the words in my book. It was jarring how alike Yeri and him were at times.
âThen you can wait a bit longer.â Sanâs tone wasnât harsh, but it was chastising a bit, and it made Wooyoung groan as I smiled to myself, amused by their antics. I was sure that if I could hear Sanâs slight change of heartbeat, the spiciness of his scent spiking too, then Wooyoung was aware of it too. Sometimes I wondered how the latter didnât realise Sanâs obvious feelings for him, but I suppose Wooyoung wasnât a very observant person, unlike his older brother, Mingi.
âCan I stay thoughââ Then I felt eyes on myself and I heard shuffling around, Wooyoung finally removed himself from on top of San, âOh, hey, Y/N. What are you doing?â
âReading,â I muttered as I flipped the page, bored by the story but knowing I had just two days to finish reading the remaining two hundred pages.
âIs it for Literature class?â Wooyoung pressed, coming closer as he hovered over my shoulder, âYunhoâs been complaining about how shitty the book was, something about the story being too slow-paced and the side love story not making too much sense.â
I hummed, completely agreeing with Yunho, who shared a Literature class with me. At the same time, I was beyond grateful that I had learned to control my reactions at the mention of Song Yunho, who had looked my way a total of three times ever since I had arrived to Nocturnal Parade. I didnât understand what I had done wrong to be brushed off so blatantly by him, but it hurt. It had hurt a lot more in the beginning, but I had gotten used to the feeling of dejection and disappointment that followed whenever we crossed paths. I didnât understand whether I had upset him or not, considering that our first encounter had gone rather well. To me, it had gone more than well, but maybe Yunho didnât share the sentiment. Almost as if summoned by some deity, I didnât have to look to know he was approaching us. My body knew upon a simple whiff of the air, the earthy and intense scent of firewood and vanilla making my lungs feel like they couldnât expand anymore to breathe in deeper, my skin covered in goosebumps as the world seemed to quieten around me in his presence. Yunhoâs tall shadow was looming over us as he stopped at the foot of the blanket, his question directed at Wooyoung.
âDid you take my cologne, again, Wooyoung?â He didnât sound angry, but his tone was demanding. I heard Wooyoung scoff next to me as he sat mirroring my position, looking up at his brother with a defying look in his eyes.
âNo, I donât like its scent.â Wooyoung was bad at lying, especially when we had heightened and sensitive senses and he was reeking of Yunhoâs sandalwood essence cologne.
âSure, where did you put it? I need it.â I didnât have to look to see Yunho roll his eyes, I continued feigning that I was reading the book, but my eyes were stuck on the same sentence as I read it over and over again, the words not registering in my mind. It was hard to focus when Yunho was around. Â
âAre you going on a date, or whatâs the rush?â I willed my heartbeat to remain steady at Wooyoungâs teasing question, to bite back the whine that threatened to leave my lips. I had no right to make claims over Yunho, but my wolf seemed to struggle to understand that. We werenât mated, and weâd probably never be with how Yunho disregards my existence.
âWhere is it, Wooyoung?â Yunho had lost his patience as his voice had an edge, his shadow still looming over us as I heard San fidget around as he turned onto his stomach to continue his homework.
âIn Mingiâs bottom drawer, by the bed, where he keeps his condomsââ
âAlright.â Yunhoâs tone raised, a tired huff leaving his mouth as San snickered under his breath. I didnât react but I wouldâve smiled too, Wooyoungâs brutal honesty and oversharing skills, I fear, would never be matched by anyone else Iâd come across. I had a feeling it was the same for San and Yunho too, âStop taking my things or Iâll tell mom.â
âStop being a pussy and always ratting me out to mom,â Wooyoungâs tongue was stuck out as Yunho leaned down and harshly flicked his little brotherâs forehead, making him yelp, âIâm telling mom!â
âWhoâs the pussy now, huh?â I couldnât help the smile spreading onto my lips this time as Wooyoung started whining loudly as he rubbed his forehead, his scent souring just a little bit.
Sanâs heart skipped a beat and I wondered whether the other two noticed, but based on their glaring contest, I highly doubted it, âWhatever, Y/Nâs reading the same book as you are. Didnât you sayââ
âIâll see you at dinner, Wooyo.â Yunhoâs sharp intake of breath made me gulp as I fought hard to not show my disappointment, I knew Yunho wasnât interested in me, but going to the extent of not even wanting to hear about me definitely stung a lot, âAnd donât bother Sannie too much.â
Donât bother Sannie too much, but I suppose he could bother me. Not that Yunho had even noticed me lounging around on the blanket, despite Wooyoung being almost all nestled up into my side since San wasnât paying any attention to him now. I gulped down the bitterness and growing lump in my throat as Yunho departed, his footsteps loud and heavy, the sounds of the world returning to my ears once he wasnât around anymore. Breathing was easier too, but it was a bit difficult seeing anything written on the yellowing paper since my vision was suddenly blinded by tears. It was alright, I have heard of mates that werenât fated to be together. Of mates where only one of them imprinted on the other, and was forced to watch the love of their life mate with someone else, forced to live and die alone, without having ever experienced true and honest love. It was alright, I wouldnât know how to gesticulate a relationship either way. I gulped and blinked my eyes fast, willing the tears to disappear before Wooyoung could notice them.
The younger boy sighed loudly next to me before he rolled over, crawling on Sanâs back as he laid his cheek against his friendâs scapula, âDo you mind if I take a nap like this?â
âNo.â Sanâs voice was deeper as we shared a knowing look, Wooyoung remaining oblivious to Sanâs racing heart as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment when I gave him a subtle wink. If I couldnât find my happiness, then I truly wished at least my best friend would. Heâd deserve it, San deserved to be cherished and loved like no one else, and I had a feeling Wooyoung would be able to provide San with everything he needed. If only he wasnât so oblivious to Sanâs feelings, besides, I had never seen Wooyoung courting anyone, we had no idea of his preferences. Whenever San tried to bring up the subject, heâd told me Wooyoung would smartly twist it until they werenât even talking about it anymore. Maybe he was avoiding it because he had noticed Sanâs reactions and was afraid to hurt his best friend, or maybe he was avoiding it because he had been feeling something he didnât understand quite yet. It wasnât taboo for werewolves to find love amongst their own gender, but I suppose growing up in a place where nobody was like you must be nerve-wracking and rather full of uncertainty. This only made me realize that despite the cons of living in the big city had its pros as well since I grew up in a diverse and inclusive place, open and uncaring of who loved who.
But if Wooyoungâs romantic preferences remained unknown to us, Yunhoâs certainly didnât. He was unlike anyone I have met before, starting from his personality and ending with his looks. He was the eldest of the family, a good few minutes older than his twin brother, Mingi, and so naturally he was also the biggest and strongest. He was intimidatingly tall and freakishly broad, his shoulders wide and his back strong. He wasnât visibly muscular but Iâve seen him countless times lifting logs, and even heavier things, without breaking a sweat to know that Yunho was outrageously strong. His hair was a dark brown and it had grown out since I had first met him, now always messy and curly as it reached his shoulders, making him look more boyish than the first time I had seen him. He had red highlights in his hair a year ago, adding to his mysterious allure, as his lips were a soft pink, the apple of his cheeks and nose dusted coral, which was a nice contrast with his paler complex, unlike Mingiâs whose skin was a beautiful caramel. The twins werenât identical, but upon a closer look, you were able to tell just how many attributes they shared.
Yunho loved experimenting with his style, and he mostly wore coloured clothes, all flashy and somehow still cosy looking, however, his shoes always seemed to be mismatched. It was a peculiar feat that had me wondering whether Yunho was just generally weird or he just had a particular taste when it came to fashion, I soon had realized it was the latter. His nails were always well-kept and painted either a turquoise or a yellow colour, bringing attention to his already beautiful hands, his fingers long and bony and mostly decorated by black rings. His scent, that earthy firewood and vanilla, was just as attention-grabbing as the rest of Yunho. If I hadnât known better, I wouldâve assumed Yunho was a very serious person, highly focused on his education, someone who spent his days cooped up in his room reading and learning all the time. But the Songs werenât too focused on getting high grades, and that became apparent rather quickly after I arrived at the Academy. Yunho was a goofy guy, he loved having fun and he really enjoyed being surrounded by people, always eager to share a laugh with someone, or just fall into idle chitchat for hours on end. People seemed to gravitate towards him, eager to have a word with him. It wasnât just him, though, students at the Academy all seemed to love the Song family, especially the twins who felt like fresh air in the dull and mediocre town that Nocturnal Parade seemed to be at first glance.
However, as mediocre as it was, I had never felt more at ease in a place before. It truly felt like I had found a community for myself and for my family, a place where everyone had your back and expected nothing in return even at the slightest of help offered. My parents loved it here, it was rather obvious since my mother was smiling more, the wrinkles were gone from her face, and my father wasnât as stressed as before. Working as an archivist in the big city had been demanding, but in this quiet town where nobody was rushing forward with their lives, my parents could take a breather. And I could too, until I quickly realized I had been blatantly rejected by my potential mate before even getting to know them. The day we had arrived in Nocturnal Parade had been long and nerve-wracking, I had no idea what would await us in this new place. That same day, the werewolves threw a welcoming party for our family, eager to welcome us into their pack.
It was late evening by the time my family had sorted most things out at our small house, which was on the same street as the Songs and right by the Pinecone Forest, the perfect neighbourhood for relentless werewolves that needed a lot of space to get rid of their impulsive energy. The party was in the backyard of the Songs family and was full of creatures by the time we made it there. It was warm, welcoming, and felt genuine from the second we stepped through their threshold. The family was big, but each one of them was gentle and eager to meet us, even the troublemakers which were Wooyoung and Yeri. And after that, it didnât take long for me to become once again invisible as I stood close to the drinks table in the Songs' backyard, gazing out towards the bonfire as the sun was about to set. The evening breeze was warm still and a light sheen of sweat coated my temples as I sipped my cool lemonade slowly, embarrassed to refill it for the fourth time. My solace, however, didnât last for longer as I noticed two towering figures beeline towards me. Their hair was tousled and they looked like they had been wrestling before they headed here, and I felt nervous upon realizing that they were probably the twins Mrs. Song had been talking about.
They had been out on their evening run and would only join us later, and they were very much so headed my way to introduce themselves. My heart was racing and I felt nervous, but I willed myself to calm down since I didnât want to embarrass myself in front of two potential classmates once Iâd started attending Wilden Pine Academy, which had been another anxiety-inducing thought at that time. The two guys, so very different in appearance yet so similar in mannerisms, sported matching smiles on their faces by the time they reached me. The one who was dressed in all-black and wore heavy jewellery had long hair which was pulled back into a half-up ponytail, his hair blonde and red, a rather cool-looking hairstyle. His features were sharp and his gaze was intense, but his open-mouthed boxy smile softened his features, his crooked front teeth endearing. The other one, however, was dressed in a pink crop top and high-waisted yellow jeans, one of his sneakers green meanwhile the other was turquoise. His hair had been shorter than the other guyâs, darker in colour too as it had red highlights, parted at the forehead. His features were a lot softer, his eyes rounder and warm, his cheeks puffy and rosy, his pouty lips a dark purple. His nails were painted turquoise and his jewellery was a lot simpler than the other guyâs, and I quickly realised that unless he was smiling, he looked just as intimidating as his twin brother.
But really, Yunhoâs appearance wasnât the first thing that caught my attention, sure, he looked unusual and made me remember the days when I was a lot younger and would purposefully dress up my Barbie dolls in silly outfits and organise pageants for them, but it was all about his scent and demeanour. The world seemed to dim around me when we had made eye contact, my arms and legs feeling numb suddenly as his rich earthy musky scent tinged with a hint of sweat invaded my nostrils, followed by firewood mixed with vanilla making my tongue feel like lead. My heart was racing and I couldnât do anything about it as I watched Yunhoâs pupils expand, his body turning rigid as Mingi remained oblivious to the subtle exchange between me and his twin. I had known that whatever I felt just upon a glance and a whiff werenât simple reactions of my body, but when I heard his voice and touched his warm skin, all of my fears and worries were answered.
âHi,â It was the slightly shorter twin that addressed me first, his voice deep and lightly raspy, âYou must be the Byunsâ daughter, right?â
I wasnât able to find my voice as I nodded wordlessly, hands tightening around my cup of icy lemonade. Thankfully they didnât seem offended by my lack of verbal response, I could only pray they would assume my heart raced so wildly because I was nervous. I tried to ignore the fact that the taller twinâs heart was thumping even louder than my own heart, blaming it on the remaining adrenaline from his run, âMy name is Yunho and this is my twin brother, Mingi.â
One large hand was extended towards me then, and as I grabbed it to shake it, I was positive Yunho mustâve felt the electricity that coursed through my body at the simple touch. It had felt as if my whole being was charged, as if I was experiencing the whole world for the first time. Everything sounded sharper, looked brighter, and smelled fresher. I could feel Yunhoâs pulse in my own palm, his gorgeous eyes shaking as we stood frozen, gripping each otherâs hands tightly. But upon Mingiâs awkward throat clearing, I ripped myself away from under the charm, and faced the guy with a small smile, âNice to meet you two, Iâm Y/N.â
Touching Mingi, however, felt like touching anyone else. My body was still tingling from Yunhoâs touch, but I had felt nothing special as Mingi grinned widely at me, his handshake just a little firmer than Yunhoâs had been. Once we released each otherâs hands I was quick to down my lemonade, subtly trying to pat the sweat from my temples away, embarrassed over the fact that my scent was most probably spiking and irking them. But neither boy commented about it as Yunhoâs deep eyes remained trained on me, tracking all of my actions.
âYou just arrived, right?â Yunhoâs voice was a lot steadier than mine had been, and I gulped, trying to ignore the sigh that threatened to leave my lips at the warm rumble of his tone.
âYes, somewhere around noon. The drive wasnât too long, though.â I hoped if I spoke fast and a lot they would blame my reactions on nervousness, âWeâve been looking forward to moving here, Iâve heard a lot of great things about this town due to the Petrovas and everything. I assume living here is rather good.â
The mention of that name seemed to make the twins grimace, but I didnât pry and they didnât say anything about it, âSurely it is, weâve moved here roughly nine years ago, but it just feels like we were meant to be in this town, to live here.â
Mingiâs tone was earnest as he spoke and I smiled at him, my eyes constantly slipping back onto Yunho, who looked like he hadnât blinked since the twins had reached me. I gulped and smiled softly at him, wondering whether he felt the same visceral emotions as I did in his presence, under his burning stare.
âI hope Iâll find a home in this town too, I havenât been here for long, but it certainly feels a lot cosier than the big city had been for my whole life.â My tone turned a bit sour as I shifted on my feet, making the twins look at me curiously.
âYouâre from Colourful River, right? Itâs a big city, we always liked going there for random trips.â It made me wonder if Yunho and I had unknowingly run into each other before, but my inner wolf told me that we hadnât. If we had been, Iâm sure our parents wouldâve never been able to separate us from each other, âIt mustâve been nice living amongst humans.â
I tried not to stare at Yunhoâs inviting plush lips while he spoke, but it was hard. Everything about him was so captivating, âSince the city is closer to the South than North, it isnât dominated by humans, but they were rather alright, not as scared as all the legends say. But if you go up North they might not be as friendly as those living closer to the border.â
âDid you have human friends?â Mingiâs tone was eager as he grinned at me, and I didnât want to disappoint him, but there was no point in lying to these two.
âI didnât have many friends,â I muttered, chuckling a bit sadly, âBut the humans were less evil compared to the night creatures.â
Silence settled upon the three of us as I didnât look up at the two, but Yunhoâs stare remained insistent. He had stepped closer meanwhile we had been conversing, and I hadnât even noticed until his strong scent hit my nose once again, making me take a deep breath and gulp it down hungrily, thankful when it felt like the scent got stuck in my throat. I hadnât experienced anything like this before, but the yearning to be close to him, to touch him and feel him was overwhelming all of a sudden as I looked up, finding Yunhoâs head tilted as his eyes slowly racked over my body. It made my cheeks burn and my muscles tense, my wolf stirring in something that I could only call arousal. I have certainly not experienced anything like this before with anyone. I wondered if this meant anything deeper, whether imprinting on first sight was a real thing or only something made up for hopeless romantics.
âYouâll see finding friends here will be a lot easier than in the big city,â Mingiâs smile was warm and he reached a hand out to pat my arm, making Yunhoâs eyebrows furrow as he looked at his twin sharply. Mingi just cast him a curious glance before his name was being called by his mother, her voice louder than the cacophony of the party, âOh, Iâll be back after I see what mom needs from me.â
Then he left, jogging towards his mother with a smile. Yunho, however, took another step towards me, looming over me as his eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flaring as I gulped nervously, wondering whether he felt the same as I did. I wanted to ask, but I was embarrassed. He reached a hand forward, his fingers brushing against mine, but he seemed to catch himself as he took a step back, jaw set tightly. And then, without saying anything, he turned and hurried away, ignoring the people who called out his name. My heart raced as I watched him leave, suddenly feeling cold and empty. The wolf in my head whined and whispered at me to chase after him, to claim him and tell him that he was ours, but I couldnât do that. Yunho had free reign of his feelings and thoughts, I couldnât force something like that on him. We hadnât even known each other five minutes ago, it wouldâve been so wrong.
But what was even more wrong and more painful than anything I had experienced before was the fact that Yunho never looked my way again after that, remaining silent and avoidant, ignorant, heâd even flee the room if it was just the two of us. I didnât even have the chance to have him before I lost him, and deep down, I knew I had been denied by my own mate. It was painful, but it wasnât anything I could change, at least, it didnât feel like it at the moment.
           With the Spring Break right around the corner, the hallways were liverier than before as students pilled together, eagerly discussing what they were up to once theyâd return home. The professors seemed to be in a lighter mood as well, a lot friendlier too, and more understanding if someone slacked off a bit. Everyone but our Literature professor, who demanded we hand in our essays right before the week ended. Today was Friday and weâd be heading home tomorrow, I was hitchhiking with Sanâs family since theyâd offered to drive us home as they were out of town and would drive by our Academy on their way home. Sanâs parents were busy businessmen so they were always on the go, oftentimes leaving San and his much older sister at home, who was a rather successful makeup artist in Nocturnal Parade and not just. Sheâd gotten an out-of-town offer just last month and the gig went well, so, she was now successfully expanding her business. But because I had been procrastinating my essay until the last moment, it meant that I had been cooped up in the Library this whole morning, and then later in the Study Hall as late evening was approaching.
My muscles ached from sitting in the same spot for so long and my eyes stung from being too dry, I had been staring at my laptopâs bright screen for an ungodly amount of time, if I wasnât a werewolf I bet my eyesight would be horrible by now. Thankfully, the Study Hall was a lot less packed than usual, and the absence of students meant I could work in peace without distractions. That is until Yunho decided to walk into the vast room, eyes scanning the place and quickly jumping over my presence as my eyes burned into the side of his head. Of course, it was no surprise that I had been completely ignored by him once again, resigned, I went back to the finishing touch-ups of my essay. My heart ached and my hands felt cold now that I knew Yunho was in my vicinity, so close, yet miles away still. I gulped and willed myself to ignore his musky scent that seemed to haunt my every sense now, and I couldâve cheered when I was finally finished with the essay. I didnât waste any more time sending it to my professor as I swiftly gathered my things and rushed out of the Study Hall, heart racing in my chest.
My muscles had been aching for an evening run and I knew Iâd have to skip dinner tonight since I felt restless, my thoughts messy and filled with anxious whispers. Since most students were returning home tomorrow morning, it meant that the community would be organising a welcome home bonfire as soon as possible. The bonfires were great and I always had a good time, but it was inevitable to come across the Song family there since they were the main organizers of it. Just last year, when the Summer Break finally arrived, I had been squeezed between Wooyoung and, tragically, Yunho on a log, forced to endure Yunhoâs rigid stance and complete ignorance as he chatted and laughed with everyone around us. My skin had been burning, not because of the close proximity to the fire, and my wolf was whining at me to touch him, to lean closer, to speak to Yunho. But I knew it was pointless, and thus, decided to save myself from embarrassment as I quickly excused myself and walked back home, rather glad that San wasnât home to pester me about my sudden sour mood. San was a dear friend, but sometimes he was awful at giving me space, at understanding that I needed to be alone to figure my thoughts and feelings out.
That was why I never let him know when Iâd go on runs, I preferred to be alone either way. The air wheezing past my ears, which were in tune with everything around me, was always freeing and relaxing. My jumbled thoughts became a silent murmur in the back of my mind as my paws hit the forest floor powerfully, strong and long legs carrying me far away from the Academy, from the campus, from any other possible wolf that I could come across. I liked solitary, itâs what I knew my whole life, it was comfortable and comforting. Whenever I let my wolf take over, it was as if I was reborn once I shifted back into my human form. I felt invincible as my burgundy fur gleamed under the setting sun rays, and I leered whenever another animal made haste in my presence. In my wolf form, everything felt simpler, more primitive, and less complicated. If I could, I would probably never shift back into my human form, but that was unethical and very unhealthy. I wasnât a wolf, I was just a simple werewolf, and abandoning my human side would mean that I was going rogue. And lone, rogue, werewolves never survived for long. It wasnât what we were designed for, so I couldnât abandon my true self.
My run tonight had taken longer than usual, the forest was now dark as I returned to the shed that lay just on the outskirts of the campus, not too close, but not too far either in case of an emergency. I had found it on an early morning stroll with San, and I had been using it as my hideout ever since. It was a good spot for privacy while Iâd change out of my clothes, away from prying eyes when Iâd turn back into my human form, naked and unprotected. I wasnât uncomfortable by nudity, after all, it was rather common and normal amongst werewolves to see each other bare, but I was shy, and thus, preferred to remain hidden from otherâs eyes. San had joked once that I was a prude and old-fashioned, but I just simply wished that not everyone saw me so exposed, it was a tiny bit embarrassing even if it was very normal for our kin. So, the shed was the perfect spot for me to stay out of sight while being close enough to campus that if I was late for curfew Iâd make it back swiftly and unnoticed, like tonight. I knew I probably had only a few minutes to make it back to the right wing, but as I had no devices on me, I wouldnât know until I made it back to my clothes. San was certainly blowing up my phone by now, asking where I was and why I didnât join him when it was quiz nightâwhich only meant that I would question him about whichever lesson he had decided he didnât know well enough, so really, it wasnât a fun activity, but I loved San, so, I helped him out from time to time.
Taking a deep whiff of the air, waiting for a second to determine whether anyone was in my vicinity, I was glad when my wolf sensed nothing, so I nudged the shedâs door open with my fur-coated head and walked inside. The small lamp I had turned on cast a dim warm hue over the abandoned place, and I approached the table as I felt my bones shifting, my jaw locking in tight and my lungs constricting for a second. My joints popped and my head felt like it was splitting in two, but it all lasted for a second or two, until I was standing tall on my legs, hands reached out to stabilise myself on the table. Shifting wasnât painful by any means, but it always left me a bit disoriented. The doctors in the city had told me it was because I was an early bloomer, my body forced to mature before its right time, so it wasnât anything necessarily bad, just uncomfortable. As I regained my senses and shook my head to clear the dizziness, my muscles locked up and my wolf purred loudly, almost to the point it escaped past my own lips. Something was amiss. In the dim lighting, I noticed another heap of clothes thrown on the ground, just by the entrance. The scent tooâŠit was familiar, too familiar, and I panicked. How had I missed it? Had I become so used to it that it didnât faze my wolf anymore?
As I hastily tried to grab my clothes, nakedness be damned Iâd get dressed on the way, the shedâs door was slammed open, a low grunt echoing in the otherwise silent space. My eyes widened as a gorgeous black wolf with orchid eyes stared back at me, huffing and puffing as saliva dripped from its mouth. It was big and strong, its vanilla and firewood scent a lot more permeating than before. My knees felt weak as my hands tightened into the table, holding myself up since my brain was short-circuiting. For a second, the big black wolf didnât move, its snarl loud in the shed, but then, bones cracked and the black fur slowly disappeared as the wolf shifted into something more human looking, tall and lean, strong andâŠvery naked. My eyes widened when I finally realised it was Yunho standing in the doorway, his eyes still orchid coloured as they bled into mine, and I was frozen as my wolf started whining, whispering to me to approach Yunho, to touch his hot and strong body, to entice him and make him claim us.
Yunhoâs body was anything like I had seen before. He was alluring by all means, and the lower my eyes dropped the tighter my chest felt, the lump in my throat getting bigger and harder to ignore. I had seen many guys naked before, but they couldnât compare to Yunho, everything about him wasâŠbig. My hands flattened against the surface of the table and I tilted my head before I could stop myself, well aware that my wolf was more in charge of me than my own conscience, my eyes a bright orchid as Yunhoâs lips pressed into a straight line, his eyes not shy of taking in every curve of my body, his hands balling up into fists at his sides. It was hard to breathe, and it was even harder to control my bodily reactions when Yunho was so close, so exposed and vulnerable for taking. And maybe he was thinking the same thing because all of a sudden, we were moving towards each other, our eyes glimmering in the dim light and our chests heaving as I bared my fangs at Yunho, whose lips curled into a low snarl. I was so close to touching him, I could feel his body heat, but I knew I couldnât. We werenât ourselves just yet, the adrenaline coursed through our bodies from the run, and our wolves were stronger and louder than under normal circumstances. He wouldâve been so easy to touch, though, as we stopped barely a few feet away from each other, desire written all over his features, but in a last attempt to find control over my body and mind, I snapped out under my wolfâs control.
I found my voice, but just barely, as my cheeks flushed a deep red, âIâmâIâI thought nobody knew of the shed, IâIâm, uh, Iâm sorry for barging in. I didnât knowâIâve never seen you here before, Iââ
âY/N.â Yunhoâs voice was deeper than ever before, his round eyes dangerous as they were narrowed into slits, watching me closely. Just hearing my name said like that shut me up really fast as my heart raced in my chest, and I knew Yunho could hear it. It was so loud. I couldâve touched him, my wolf wanted it desperately, but Yunho wasnât himself just yet, he didnât look like it, âIâve gone to this Academy for longer than you, of course I know about this place. Mingi and I come here all the time.â
I released a shuddering breath, forcing my eyes to stay on his face, anywhere but lower as I couldnât trust myself and my wolf just yet. I really wanted to reach out and trace his firm muscles, to cradle him close to myself, to burry my face between his pecks, to lick the sweat beads that rolled down his navel, lower into his happy trail until they reached hisâ âYou should go before Mingi returns.â
I jumped, mouth dry as I realised I was staring lower than I was supposed to, my whole chest and ears burning now, not just my cheeks, âIâm sorry.â I managed to mutter before I hurried back to the table and clumsily put on my clothes. I knew I looked like I had been mauled by how messy my hair was, my shirt untucked and one of the pantlegs rolled lower than the other, but I needed to leave before Iâd do something Iâd regret later. Yunho wasnât mine, we werenât mated, and I couldnât do anything about it. But as I went to rush past him, he caught my wrist with frightening speed, his palm hot and large. I gulped but didnât look at him, my eyes falling on the heap next to his clothes, very clearly Mingiâs now that he had pointed it out.
âYou shouldnât show yourself to just anyone, Y/N, itâs lowly.â The pang in my heart was more painful than anything I had experienced before. What did he mean by that? I had literally been on out a run, of course, I wasnât showing myself to just anyone, it was only normal I was naked, or was I supposed to shift while wearing my clothes only to rip them apart? Besides, who had permitted him to say such things when he was the biggest manwhore I had known to date?! His words hadnât just hurt me, they ignited an angry fire deep in my veins that had lay dormant for too long.
âIs it lowly shifting back into my human form after a run, Yunho? Really?â I chuckled humourlessly, my next words coming out in a snare as I looked at him with a glare, âYouâre rather quick to judge me when you have no shame sleeping with half of the Academy, shouldnât that be considered lowly?â
Before Yunho could say anything and before I could regret the words I had just spoken, I stormed off, flinching as I almost collided with a large white wolf, its head tilted in confusion as we stared at each other for a second. I gulped and averted my orchid-coloured eyes, âHello, Mingi.â
The wolf huffed and bowed his head slightly, and despite wanting to flee, I pushed the door open for him as the wolf let out an appreciative whine, its eyes switching between Yunho and me once it was halfway inside the shed. But I didnât wait around to hear Mingiâs questions as I rushed back to campus, checking my phone to see five missed calls from San and ten even angrier texts than the voicemails he left, clearly upplaying his sadness. I could hear Wooyoungâs witchy cackle in the background as he no doubt was playing on Sanâs new PlayStation. A quick text later, I let San know that I had lost track of time while I was on my run and that weâd see each other during breakfast the next morning. Sneaking around the dorms to sleep in Sanâs bed tonight wouldâve been worth, if only my heart and mind werenât in turmoil, aching all over again due to Yunhoâs nasty and undeserved assumptions. I had no idea why he acted so differently with me, itâs like he was a completely different person in my presence, and I didnât enjoy it. It hurt me deeply. What had I done to deserve such coldness from him?
           The ride home with the Chois was filled with laughter and sharing stories, the radio lowered once San and I started telling them about the Academy and our classes. Sanâs family had always felt like a second family to me. They were warm and very loving people, even if I had initially struggled to warm up to them, they had never pushed or pried for any information, no matter how insignificant it was. Thus, I came to trust them rather quickly since Mrs. Choi loved baking and would often invite me over during the holidays. Besides, Iâd always leave with a basketful of whichever cookies Mrs. Choi decided to bake that day, and since my mother has a sweet tooth, she was always more than eager to send me over to the Chois to help them out. Sanâs parents' business trip was successful and they managed to expand their branches to the North as well, which would require them frequent trips to Aurora Falls, which was the biggest human settlement in our country. It seemed that there were human investors who were eager to expand their businesses to the South, which would benefit them a lot since their franchises were mostly nonexistent around here. It was a day to celebrate, which the Chois were really good at doing. I knew theyâd smuggle in some really expensive champagne tonight to the bonfire, after all, they did everything with grandeur.
My parents had been lounging around the front porch when the Chois's expensive SUV pulled up in front of our humble abode, my motherâs face had lit up like a Christmas tree as she came to welcome me home, and the Chois as well. After quick hugs and kisses, the Chois were off and I was left with my parents, who were smiling from ear to ear.
âLook at you!â My father had said as he engulfed me in a bear hug and spun me around, making me giggle into his chest, âYouâre radiating, what are they feeding you at the Academy?â
âMrs. Namâs cooking is really delicious, but I donât think itâs because of the food.â I giggled as my feet had finally touched the ground. My mother stood to the side, my duffle bag already in her hand as she shook her head at our antics, âI suspect itâs the clear air and the vast forest grounds.â
âYouâre still running on your own?â My motherâs eyebrows had furrowed as I walked up to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders as we headed for the house. The rumble of a loud engine reached our ears as we took the steps up the porch. I knew whose car it was, it was hard to miss when nobody elseâs car engine was as loud as the Song twins, âMrs. Song told me her sons had proposed to go on runs with you, but youâve turned them down each time. I know weâre all still adjusting to living in a pack, but having company on your runs is actually very healthy for you and your wolf, my dear.â
I wished to correct my mother that it had been Mingi who had proposed to come on runs with me, no mention of Yunho. We had crossed paths once while we were both out hunting during a full moon and because my cramps had been really bad that day, Mingi was nice enough to remain a respectable distance away and guide me for the night, keeping an eye out for other not-so-kind predators. There were months when my shifting went a little haywire during the full moon, my senses dull and my bones all miss shaped. Again, the doctors hadnât found anything wrong with me, they suspected it was due to my early blooming, which wasnât helping much. As we reached the front door, my father already opening it for us, the honk of a loud car made us turn back and look towards the orange Jeep, its windows rolled down, and the younger Song siblings cooped up in the backseat.
âHi, Mr. and Mrs. Byun!â Mingi called from the driverâs seat, all smiles as his glasses looked to be slipping off his nose. Wooyoung was just as enthusiastic as he leaned out the window, the car going at a slow pace now that they had almost reached their house.
âSee you tonight, right?!â Wooyoung shouted as he grinned widely, pointing specifically at me, âCanât leave Sannie on his own, right?!â
âRight.â My voice didnât have much force to it as my eyes stalled on Yunho, who was facing the windshield, his jaw set tight as he looked at Mingi and said something inaudible. I released a quiet sigh as we stepped through the doorway, my parents sharing a laugh at the siblings' antics. I tried to ignore the lump in my throat, the fire in my veins, the ache of my heart. Yunhoâs hurtful words were still too fresh in my mind, the look in his eyes and the vivid image of his body a constant image in the front of my mind. It wasnât surprising that I was still thinking about him. We had encountered each other just last night, after all, but I wished we never had. It was hard to ignore the yearning, especially when we were back at home, forced to visit the Songs weekly since our parents had grown so close with each other. I was happy for them, donât misunderstand me, but I wished the Song parents stopped blaming my âlonelinessâ on being an only child, thus forcing me to constantly hang out with their children. I didnât have any issues with the five of them, per se, but I hardly found anything I had in common with themâminus Yunho, since he wouldnât even look my way, let alone have a conversation with me.
âYou should tell San to sleep over tonight, maybe his parents can stay too!â My fatherâs words distracted me from my thoughts as I headed for the stairs, eager to fall into my comfortable bed, no Yeri to disturb my peace this time.
âHoney, they had barely returned home, let the Chois enjoy having their son home for at least three more days.â My mother gently chastised my father as she headed up the stairs after me, my duffle bag still in her hand, âHeâll sleep over before they go back to the Academy.â
âFine, but I found a really cool book about genealogy, Iâm sure heâd love reading through it.â
âSure, honey, sure.â My mother and I shared an amused look which made us chuckle, my fatherâs mumbled words blending into the background as he was headed for his study room, surely eager to get back to whatever book he was reading this time, âGet some sleep before lunch, Mama Song asked us to head over before they set the bonfire, sheâs making a new mushroom stew recipe sheâd like us to try.â
âYeah, okay,â I mumbled as I fell face-first into my pillows, groaning loudly as my muscles finally eased up, my body cocooned in the safety of my own scent. Finally, a little peace of mind.
But that peace of mind didnât last for long. The Song household was buzzing with life and laughter even before the other members of our community had started joining the bonfire. The mushroom stew was beyond delicious, and if I wasnât too shy, I wouldâve asked for a second plate but decided I could sneak in sometime during the evening and have a second plate, I knew Mrs. Song wouldnât mind since she was generous like that. Lunch went surprisingly well, mostly with everyone talking over each other, especially Wooyoung, Yeri, and Mr. Song, but that was to be expected. The Songs were very eccentric people and their household had always been chaotic. However, what did take me by surprise was the presence of a newcomer, someone who wasnât a werewolf. Her hair was dark and fell in long curls, her skin pale and her eyes very sharp, her lips the colour of blood and her stance very elegant. If I hadnât known better, I wouldâve thought she hated us, but anytime Mingi looked at her sheâd smile at him and her heartbeat would waver whenever he laughed. It wasnât hard to guess that she was the Petrova heir, the youngest vampire of the Baeâs. Knowing so much about them, thanks to my father, sitting at a table with her now felt surreal.
She didnât look like she wanted to talk much, but when my fatherâs innocent curiosity got the best of him and he started asking questions, she seemed rather pleased that she could gloat about her family. Her tone was sharp and she spoke rather straightforwardly, yet it was somehow obvious she didnât mean bad. She was a peculiar person and I felt immense respect for her, no real reason as to why, maybe itâs because I thought she was very cool. I wasnât brave enough to speak to her, so, besides stolen glances and a few shared glances, no words passed between the two of us. Besides, she was an amazing distraction to preoccupy my busy mind since conveniently Yunho and I ended up sitting next to each other. His body was warm, his scent almost tangible, and with every bite I took of my stew, it felt as if Yunhoâs sandalwood scent was deep in my throat, forcing me to gulp down copious amounts of water as if I was sitient all the time. Yunho sat rigidly next to me, his body mostly turned away from me and facing Dahyun, his youngest sister, who looked absent-minded as she played with her fork, occasionally staring at Mingi if he made the vampire girl laugh. She carried Mingiâs scent and a bite mark was visible on her nape, it wasnât hard to guess what she and Mingi were. Mates.
Thankfully, after lunch was over, San shortly arrived too and I could escape from the Song family, from Yunho, walking around the back garden as we searched for timber that would be good for the bonfire. Wooyoung, of course, came to join us and Dahyun was quick to do so too, with Mingi and Yunho busy setting up the back garden as our parents all helped. The vampire girl was busy in the kitchen, apparently, she could bake really yummy muffins, so she was busy doing just that. Once everything was set and people were coming over, Wooyoung sneaked off to bring us cans of beer, San cheering as we all uncapped ours, clinking them together loudly. The cold sparkling drink burned my parched throat as I wolfed it down, making San chuckle as Wooyoung was busy checking his friendâs free hand for splinters. I said nothing as a blush covered Sanâs cheeks, his eyes fond, as Wooyoung fussed about his friend.
âMom said sheâd leave us a little bit of champagne,â San grinned as he switched the hand holding his can of beer, Wooyoungâs eyebrows furrowed as his fingers gently traced Sanâs free palm, âItâll be in the highest cupboard.â
âOnly Mingi and Yunho can reach that high, though,â Wooyoung mumbled with a pout, still holding onto Sanâs hand despite being done with his inspection. I chuckled as San gave Wooyoung a look, his chest almost puffing out more.
âAre you sure about that?â He raised a straight eyebrow, leaning closer to Wooyoungâs face. I watched with intrigue as Wooyoung slightly caved in on himself, gulping almost nervously. His heartbeat remained steady, though, so I couldnât tell for sure whether Sanâs proximity made him nervous, âWho got that stuck ball off the basket last time, I donât reckon it was your brothers?â
âWell,â Wooyoung huffed, averting his eyes when San only leaned closer. I almost grinned when Wooyoungâs heart very loudly skipped a beat, but his eyebrows furrowed as he swiftly straightened himself, giving San a pointed look, âYou can jump high. And I suppose you have strong arms, it was sheer luck, really.â
Before the two could start bickering, I chuckled and reached a hand out towards Wooyoung, âWonât you check my hands for blisters too?â
Wooyoung seemed a little bit too eager to scurry off the log he was sharing with San as he kneeled in front of me, taking my hand into his. I chuckled and looked at San as I took a swing of my beer, Wooyoungâs warm fingers tracing lines as he hummed under his breath, turning my palm over, âYou have pretty hands, Y/N.â
âThank you,â I said, then switched my hands as Wooyoung continued to inspect them, a flush appearing on his face when San reached out to pet his hair since it was tousled by the wind earlier. It had settled now into a pleasant evening breeze. The chatter, music, and laughter coming from around the bonfire felt nice, warm. As I gazed at the fire, I was greeted by the sight of werewolves cosying up and sharing drinks and stories. Iâve never had this in the big city, it felt really nice to be surrounded by creatures that had your back even if they didnât know you well.
Wooyoung chuckled, his finger digging into my skin, right underneath my pinkie, âYunho has the same exact moles here too, on the same hand as well.â
My body froze as Sanâs eyebrows raised, he quickly scurried off the log to join Wooyoung crouching in front of me. I tried to keep the smile on my face, but the taste in my mouth soured as I looked down at the three moles that Iâve always had on my left palm, right underneath my pinkie finger.
âReally?â San sounded surprised and excited at the same time, âAre you sure?â
âOf course,â Wooyoung scoffed as he gave San a side glance, âHeâs my brother, I know him. Heâs always said that they look like stars. Before our sisters were born, heâd said they represented him, Mingi, and me. Of course, the closest to the one he called himself was Mingi because they are twins and blah blah, sometimes this twin thing gets old.â
âYouâre just jealous.â San teased Wooyoung as my eyes were stuck on the three moles, something in my stomach dropping. Iâve always said the three dots looked like stars and represented my family: my mom, my father, and me. Weâd always be there for each other, close by, looking over one another. Wooyoung and Sanâs voices drowned out as they started bickering about whether Mingi and Yunho had a deeper bond than any other werewolf due to them being twins, but my mind was spinning with this new piece of information. It suddenly felt wrong having those moles there, especially since Yunho didnât want to have to do anything with me. I gulped, retracting my hand from Wooyoungâs hold as I stood abruptly, taking the two guys off guard.
âUhm, Iâll just see what my parents are up to if you donât mindâŠâ I knew my scent had soured, Sanâs furrowed eyebrows told me he had realised something had upset me. But I just smiled and patted Wooyoungâs head before I walked around my friends, my heart slightly racing as the chilly evening seemed to bite at my nose, making me sniff harder and harder by the time I reached my parents, who were talking to the Academyâs Principal, Mr. Kim.
âOh, Miss Byun,â The Principal was the first one to spot me, and he smiled as my parents beckoned me even closer, âI was just complimenting you. Ever since Miss Yeri started rooming with you, her grades not only went up but sheâs been better behaved too.â
âOh, uhm, thatâs great.â I tried to even out my expression, praying that my parents wouldnât question my souring mood, âI didnât do much, just asked her to follow some rules. She also asked if I could sometimes help her out with her homework.â
âFascinating,â The Principal muttered as my parents looked at me proudly, making me feel a little bit shy, âI knew letting her room with Miss Son wasnât too smart, those two gave me more headache than the ruling board does on the daily.â
The Principalâs comment had my parents laughing, the shared glance between them amused, and suddenly I realised Iâd never have that. I would never have a mate that stood by my side, cosied up to me, spoke to me about whatever insanity crossed their minds, no shared understanding glances, no cheek or neck nuzzles, no unbreakable bond, nothing. My jaw tightened as the air spiked with sandalwood and vanilla, and I hoped it would pass by before the tears could spring into my eyes. But the Universe seemed to be working against me today because the Principal caught Yunhoâs bicep before he could stalk off, his expression soft and his eyes questioning. He hadnât noticed my presence yet, because I knew his round eyes would turn harsh and his pouty lips would pull into a straight line the second he noticed me. His outgrown hair was tousled by the breeze, long strands framing his face handsomely as they brushed against his nape, some strands darker than the others.
âMr. Song, fancy seeing you.â The Principal patted Yunhoâs strong back with a proud smile, âI was just telling Mr. and Mrs. Byun how your little sister has been improving both academically and behaviour-wise too.â
âOh,â Yunhoâs pale cheeks flushed with colour as he slightly bowed, I could see my parents practically fawn over him. He was handsome, too handsome, everyone around here was in love with him whether they wanted to be or not, âI know my siblings give you a lot of headaches, but if it helps, youâll have to deal with fewer of us after this year.â
The Principal laughed as he shook his head, âBetween you and me, Iâd rather have you and Mingi attend the Academy for five more years than your younger siblings, although Dahyun is a sweet girl despite being odd.â
Even if the comment wasnât well received by Yunho, his left eye twitched slightly and his smile looked a bit forced all of a sudden, he just chuckled and bowed his head again, âTheyâll mature with time, Mingi and I did too.â
âIndeed, that is true.â Then the Principal was suddenly facing me, and I noticed the way Yunhoâs eyes slightly widened as if he actually hadnât noticed me standing just a few feet away, âYouâd be surprised to hear that Yunho was unstoppable as a child, we had to sedate him more than once during his runs. He also struggled to shift back until he became ten, isnât that peculiar?â
Before Yunho could interject, however, my mother spoke up to my horror, âMy daughter still struggles to shift, being an early bloomer is really straining.â
âIâm not an early bloomer, though.â Yunhoâs tone was a bit harsher, but I bet nobody noticed but me as his eyes bore into mine, his face void of any emotion. I sighed and looked away, trying to push the image of his exposed collarbones due to his unbuttoned shirt out of my head. His cheeks seemed unnaturally pink, he mustâve used some blush before coming down for the bonfire.
âSometimes when matesââ
âI think we should leave the younglings alone, no?â My father cut the Principal off with a charming smile as I looked at him, slightly taken aback. Nobody knew Yunho and I were supposed to be mates, not even Yunho, I hadnât told a soul. I doubt my father knows, he mustâve misinterpreted Yunho and my exchange as I winced and he just cleared his throat, sounding uncomfortable. Then, without wasting another second, my father was rushing us towards the bonfire, my mother laughing at something the Principal said as I turned to look at my dad. He was smiling gently and winked when he caught my stare, making me question whether he truly was oblivious to whether I had already found my mate or not. Yunho and I marched towards the bonfire wordlessly, and I flinched when I felt his warm knuckles brush against the back of my hand, but almost as if it was a fragment of my imagination, Yunho was beelining it towards a log on which a girl I didnât know sat, next to her Yeri with a bored expression on her face.
âYunho!â The unknown girl called out, making grabby hands at him. I watched as Yunho grinned and sat next to her, leaning into her space as the girl instantly flushed. My stomach coiled as I averted my eyes towards the fire, feeling its warmth slowly seep into my bones, but my muscles didnât ease up, they remained tense.
âDid you miss me, baby?â I tried not to whine as my wolf told me to pounce on the girl and drag her into the forest and show her what happens to those who touch Yunho, but I wouldâve looked completely insane if I had done that. Yunho wasnât done speaking, however, and I felt eyes on me which made my skin crawl, âI got held up, but Iâm all yours now.â
I tried not to feel sick as I chanced a glance towards Yunho, who was looking at me with a smirk. I could feel tears threatening to appear in my eyes, I didnât want to look pathetic, however, Yeri seemed to save me from the shame, âDude, did you get me a beer?â
âOf course, I did.â Yunho chuckled, finally looking away from me, âJust donât tell mom or Wooyoung.â
âI wonât, chill out.â Yeri scoffed as she opened her can of beer, grinning to herself in triumph, âMy room is yours tonight, then.â
They shared a look and I released a shaky breath as I had decided that I needed a moment away from everything. I knew everyone could smell my spiked scent and hear my heart thudding in an uneven rhythm, I didnât want them staring at me, so I quickly hurried inside the house and headed for the kitchen hoping it was deserted. Maybe Iâd find that bottle of champagne San was talking about and help myself to it, I knew nobody would mind. The kitchen was dark when I stepped through the archway, so I quickly felt around the wall for the light switch and gasped when light flooded the kitchen. When I got too into my head, I completely missed other scents or heartbeats around me, otherwise the vampire girl wouldnât have taken me off guard. She tilted her head and raised an amused eyebrow as she nibbled on a cherry.
âDid I scare you?â She asked, her tone still cold, âI thought werewolves have heightened senses too.â
âUh, we do.â I muttered as I walked further inside the kitchen, âI was distracted.â
âWhy is that?â The girl asked, looking curious as her expression slightly shifted.
âNo reason.â I lied as I opened a cupboard and grabbed a tall glass.
âAre you drinking wine?â She looked surprised as I walked to the cupboard I knew the champagne was hidden in, âCan I have some too?â
I paused and considered her question for a second, then shrugged, âSure, but itâs champagne.â
âGood, I like that more.â She smirked as she grabbed a tall glass too, then approached me. She was cold, she lacked the warmth werewolves emanated, but her scent was oddly not exactly hers. I studied her from my peripheral as I got on my tiptoes and grabbed the bottle of champagne. I had been around the Songs for long enough to know them by scent, and she very strongly reeked of Mingi. There was no further information needed to know they really were mated if only someone failed to notice her bite mark. The vampire girl said nothing as I opened the bottle of champagne, mindful of leaving some for San and Wooyoung as I poured the bubbly drink for the vampire before for myself. I could feel her eyes on me, studying me closely, and then she hummed, leaning her hip against the counter, âI might not be a werewolf, but you absolutely stink. Donât get me wrong, all werewolves do besides Mingi, but your scent is very bothersome right now.â
I gulped, feeling my cheeks heating up as I placed the bottle of champagne back into the cupboard. Getting told that you stink certainly wasnât very nice, but I knew firsthand that werewolves had distinctive scents, perhaps vampires werenât too fond of it. Not that I knew much about vampires, there were few in Colourful River and they seemed to frolic more with the humans since they were their blood bags. Still, her comment only worsened my mood as I handed her one of the glasses, trying not to grimace.
âSorry, Iâll try to keep it down next time,â I muttered over the rim of my glass, and then I took a bigger gulp than necessary. The vampire girl watched me with a raised eyebrow as she took a small sip, savouring the sweet taste unlike me. I didnât like the amused glint in her eyes, it felt as if she was looking down on me, but I really wasnât up for a confrontation right now.
âAs much as I would love to insult you right now,â My eyes widened as the vampire girl sighed, âOver the past year I learned that when your scent turns sour, or just becomes really unbearable to me, it means that youâre upset. So, I didnât mean to further upset you, Iâm just not very good at understanding how werewolves function.â
I chuckled under my breath as my next words escaped before I could stop myself, âFunny you say that when youâre surrounded by werewolves only right now. Why do you even hang around us if you canât stand us?â
Despite expecting harsh words as an answer to my jab, the vampire looked dejected as she leaned back into the counter, sighing loudly as she averted her eyes, âIf it wasnât for Mingi and I beingâmates, then I certainly wouldnât be here. When I was young, I had a really bad encounter with a rogue wolf and I have hated you all ever since, but I canât deny the pull I feel towards Mingi, itâs weird, but itâs there. And when I had tried ignoring it, it had hurt the both of us, so Iâm here now, trying to still embrace the fact that now Iâm part of this pack that Iâve hated my whole life and of the family thatâs been getting on my nerves ever since they moved to Nocturnal Parade.â
I hummed in surprise and took another sip of my drink, now suddenly understanding why the Song twins had reacted with disdain when I had brought up the Petrova family a year ago, I assume she and Mingi werenât together yet then.
âIt mustâve been hard accepting Mingi, then.â The girlâs cold exterior slowly melted away as she looked at me with surprise. I suppose she had been judged by many for her prejudices, but didnât everyone have some? I couldnât completely blame her for them, âSeeing a werewolf and a vampire together isnât uncommon, but I havenât heard of them being mated before. Do you mind if I ask how that happened?â
The vampire chuckled as she turned her head towards the window, gazing out as she took another sip of her champagne, âWe were drunk and had sex. I, apparently, bit Mingi where his scent gland is and triggered his imprinting. It feels weird to think about it, that maybe we wouldâve never ended up together otherwise, but I donât think thatâs true. I think I had always liked Mingi, my hatred had just gotten in the way of me realising my true feelings for him.â
I hummed, gaining a new perspective on their relationship. I have heard bits and pieces from Yeri, even Wooyoung sometimes, but Mingiâs younger sister was mostly speaking ill of the Petrova girl. Yeri didnât like the vampire at all and never failed to go on angry rants about how much she wanted to rip Mingiâs mate apart, but she couldnât because sheâd been accepted by the family, so the vampire girl was now untouchable. Speaking to the vampire, however, wasnât as awful as Yeri made me think it would be. She faced me again, her head tilted as she looked at me with a curious expression on her face.
âWhatâs your story? I donât think we had spoken before, right?â She asked as I shook my head, plastering on a small smile.
âWe moved here a year ago, the big city just wasnât for us anymore.â I shrugged, then traced the edge of the counter with my finger as I averted my eyes from the vampire, âNothing is interesting about me, I think Iâm just a regular, boring, werewolf. I did make a friend, though, itâs Choi San, if you know him?â
âOf course, I do,â The vampire scoffed, rolling her eyes as if hearing my best friendâs name was irritating to her, âWooyoung never shuts up about him, if I wouldnât have known better, Iâd suspect heâs in love with San.â
That caught my attention as I perked up, subconsciously leaning closer to the vampire. It felt as if she was wearing a patch of Mingiâs familiar scent, it was almost endearing if it wouldnât have reminded me of the fact that Iâd never have this with Yunho, âReally? You think Wooyoung is in love with San?â
The girl chuckled, looking at me with a smirk, âI wouldnât want to assume such a thing, but you must know Wooyoung is very irritating, so he only settles down when I threaten to tell San heâs always gushing about him behind his back. That must mean something, no?â
I bit my lower lip, buzzing with excitement at the prospect of Wooyoung returning Sanâs feelings. However, Iâd have to trade forward with this information very smartly, I didnât want to ruin something that apparently had so much potential. I only wanted to see San happy with the person he loved with his whole might.
âI hope it means something,â I muttered into my glass as I took another sip, making the vampire girlâs eyes gain a mischievous glint. I hoped she wouldnât say anything that would set back the two boys' relationship, but maybe I had finally gained an insider who could help me give tips to San to push their relationship a step forward.
âInteresting,â She mumbled as she took another sip as well, raising an eyebrow, âWhat about you, though? I know youâre rooming with Yeri, for which you have my condolences, but youâre connected to this family in more ways, right?â
I felt my palms sweat all of a sudden, âWhat do you mean?â
âI have sharp eyes, and very sensitive hearing. Whatâs between you and Yunââ
âNothing, absolutely nothing.â I wouldâve looked guilty even to a newcomer by how quick I was to shut down the vampireâs question and assumption, she hadnât even fully spelled Yunhoâs name yet. I gulped, feeling my heartbeat pick up, then I averted my eyes and hoped she would just drop the subjectâŠbut she didnât.
âItâs not my place to say what Iâm about to say next, but be careful.â My eyebrows furrowed as I dared take a peek at her from between my eyelashes, âThe Song twins arenât bad creatures, they really arenât, but Yunho isâŠa jackass, simply put. Heâs dated Seulgi, my friend, and things were really messy between them. I hear now heâs messing around with a girl who finished the Academy last year, I just donât want to see you end up like Seulgi. You seem like a genuine werewolf, kind-hearted too, I would hate to see Yunho destroy it all. Itâs not my place at all, I know, but maybe just let it be? Maybe itâs better if youâre not meant to be, you know?â
But we are meant to be, I wanted to say it, I wanted to snap at her, but she knew better. If she could see it, a complete outsider, then who was I to correct her? She had known Yunho for longer than me, she probably didnât have any bad intentions by warning me, but it still hurt. I gulped and downed the last of my champagne, knowing that my scent had soured once again. I came here to escape everything that was Yunho, yet, he was the subject once again. I hated it, but I couldnât do anything about it. As long as the both of us lived in this town, Yunho would somehow always be the subject, he was too popular and well-liked by the others.
âNo, youâre right, Iââ I paused when I realised I sounded shaky, âI donât even like him, donât worry. I know the type of guy he is, I wonât mingle with him. Iâm glad you found Mingi, his scent is all over you, by the way.â
The vampire blushed all of a sudden, it surprised me, but I was glad I had successfully diverted the subject from Yunho. She had a fond look on her face as she tried to save herself with a loud scoff, downing her champagne quickly, âMingi isnât too possessive, but since I donât have a scent as you guys do, heâs scenting me all the time. It was annoying at the beginning, but he wouldnât stop, so, I just had to accept the fact that everyone would know I was with him now. Itâs kind of endearing, but donât let him know, please! His ego is already through the roof.â
I chuckled, wondering what she was talking about because Mingi was one of the nicest creatures I had ever met. We werenât very close, but he always stopped to talk to me if we crossed paths in the hallways, and during the summer break, heâd even come over sometimes with baked goods, eager to discuss whatever book heâd lately read. I liked Mingi, he was nice to me and my family, sometimes perhaps too nice. Silence settled between the vampire girl and me, so I decided it was my time to excuse myself and join San and Wooyoung in the back garden once again. Surprisingly, I felt more at ease after speaking to the Petrova girl, I had always thought she was intimidating and too cold, but she was a lot nicer than I have been told. I cleared my throat and pointed towards the archway, an awkward smile making it onto my face.
âIâll head back outside if you donât mind.â But as I took off, she called out for me to stop.
âWait,â The vampire cleared her throat and looked a bit embarrassed as she dug into her pocket, her lips pursed as she avoided making eye contact, âSo, uhm, Dahyun forced me today to make some shitty bracelets with her and, honestly, I canât give this shit to any of my friends, they arenât werewolves.â
I quirked an eyebrow as she took her hand out of her pocket, then extended it towards me without meeting my eyes. Her palm opened and a simple, but pretty, brown leather bracelet sat in it. I chuckled, reaching for it with an amused smile. The bracelet was braided and it had a cute wood wolf charm, it looked like it was howling upon closer inspection. I was just about to make a playful comment about it when I noticed a very similar bracelet peeking out from underneath the sleeve of her blouse. The only difference was that the leather was a lighter brown than mine, so, I swallowed down my comment and instead looked at her with a big smile.
âThank you!â It oddly felt like a friendship offer too, but I didnât want to get too ahead of myself. Maybe she just genuinely didnât want to give it to her other friends, maybe she was embarrassed to do so, âItâs really pretty.â
âWhatever,â The vampire grumbled as she lowered her hand, fidgeting with her bracelet absentmindedly, âThat little animal forced me toânot that Iâm calling Dahyun an animal, or other werewolves, Iâwell.â
I laughed quietly as I wore the bracelet, looking at it for a longer second before I grinned at the Petrova girl, âDonât worry, I get what youâre saying. We are animals, after all, and since youâve already brought that up, please be a little nicer to Yeri, I canât keep listening to her whine about you.â
âI hate that brat.â The vampire scowled, but quickly caught herself, âI mean, sure, Iâll try to be nicerâŠsort of.â
I chuckled and raised my hand to wriggle my wrist, the wolf charm moving around, âFriends, maybe?â
The vampire seemed to think for a second before she smiled, a real smile that reached her sharp eyes too, âYeah, friends.â
I felt rather happy as I left the kitchen, fulfilled even, that I had managed to befriend another creature, and this was the Petrova, well now Bae, heir on top of it all. It made me feel excited as I hurried out of the house, planning to tell San and even Wooyoung, but I almost collided with two creatures once out on the porch. The girl's giggles became quiet as my wide eyes stared up into Yunhoâs equally surprised ones, but then, his grip tightened around the girlâs waist and he was suddenly manoeuvring themselves around me, a dark look crossing Yunhoâs features. I gulped, my heart racing as I heard the girl mutter something about me to Yunho, and then both were laughing. It was fine, I was alright. Yunho was free to do however he pleased, he didnât owe me anything, no explanations or promises. But my wolf howled inside my mind, a harsh ache suddenly hitting my insides, freezing me into my spot for a second as I gasped for air. I wondered if this exact feeling was the same as the vampire and Mingi had experienced when they tried ignoring their bond. If yes, it made me wonder how was I strong enough to still be going and acting as if Yunho wasnât my mate, as if his ignorance wasnât slowly killing me on the inside. All I wanted was to crumble to the ground and let the sobs wreck my body, but instead, I tried to clear my mind and find Sanâs scent to cosy up with him, burry my pain deep down, and revel in the safety my best friend had always offered me.
But as I finally reached my best friend, he was sitting by the bonfire with a very drunk Wooyoung stuck to his side, arms around Sanâs middle as his head was pressed into Sanâs collarbones. We made eye contact and Sanâs eyes were sparkling with elation and something else as he gestured with his head subtly at Wooyoung, so I knew I couldnât bother them. I didnât want to ruin their moment, I could basically smell just how happy, and drunk, San was. I wouldâve been a terrible friend if I had walked up to them just to mop around without telling them the real reason for my displeasure, so I decided to just head home for the night. The champagne had left my blood buzzing, and even though I wasnât tipsy, I knew how my night would end. Iâd bury myself deep underneath my pillows and blanket and cry myself to sleep, letting out my wails since nobody would be able to hear me. My parents wouldnât return for a few more hours, so I could just wallow in misery as loudly as I wanted to. But to leave, I had to grab my jacket first, which was in Wooyoungâs room courtesy to San who had thrown our jackets somewhere on his bed.
The house was silent as I made my way back inside, the kitchen dark once again, and since I couldnât hear a second heartbeat, I knew the vampire girl had left, probably, to find Mingi. I realised I was fiddling with the wolf charm as I made my way up the stairs, my body covered in goosebumps for no reason. I had been inside this house multiple times, I knew where everything was, but for some reason, my intuition was telling me to turn around and just go home without my jacket. My wolf was basically whimpering in my mind, trying to convince me to turn around as I stepped off the last stair, ears picking up on a faint noise. The hallway wasnât too narrow but it was long, and Wooyoungâs room was next to the upstairs bathroom, across from Yeriâs. The scents were so mingled up here that I couldnât tell whether anyone was upstairs, so I just hoped I didnât run into anyone because I wasnât capable of conversing right now. I felt spent, upset, and heartbroken at the same time. I knew this would happen, Iâd get ignored by Yunho once again, but it still stung each time it happened, I thought I had gotten used to it. Maybe I was reacting this badly because he had insulted me last night as well, and now his actions from tonight were also bugging me.
The faint noises got louder the closer I got to Wooyoungâs room, and with slight terror, I realised they sounded like hushed whispers and muffled moans. Glancing towards Yeriâs room, the door had been left slightly ajar, and despite dread filling my stomach, I found myself walking towards it, eyebrows furrowed once I picked up on a foreign citrusy scent. That, however, was the least of my worries as Yunhoâs intoxicating sandalwood and vanilla scent carried through the air in intense pumps, twisting something in my lower stomach, and making my mouth go dry. It was so intoxicating that I found myself creeping towards the door, my breath baited and my hands slightly trembling as my wolf whined at me to barge inside and let Yunho have us, ravish us. But the small crack left by the door being ajar was enough for me to see inside the dim room, making my heart drop in seconds. The girl Yunho had been hanging out with all night was on her knees in front of Yunho as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands as his mouth hung open, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes squeezed shut as low moans left his swollen lips. I couldnât pry my eyes away from Yunhoâs face despite the sudden urge to cry as my wolf howled loudly, making my blood boil now that I knew for sure others could have Yunho like this. At a particularly high-pitched moan, Yunhoâs eyes snapped open and found mine through the crack of the door, making me gasp loudly as I jumped back, feeling disgusted and full of rage at the same time. It wasnât fair of Yunho to constantly push me away, whether he knew I was his mate or not, and it wasnât fair that he could easily mess around with others while I was forced to suffer and watch him from afar. I didnât stall any longer, I was out of the house before I could hear more of the sounds they were making, Yunhoâs strong scent burning my throat even the next morning.
           The Spring Break passed by in a frenzy, and I had barely gotten any rest while I was home for the week. Every invite to the Songs I had turned down, disgusted at the thought of facing Yunho after everything. I didnât want to see him, I didnât want to hear him, I didnât want to smell him. I had made up my mind. If he didnât want me, I wouldnât want him either anymore. I have yearned enough after someone Iâd never have, so, I decided whatâs enough is enough. I knew the change wouldnât happen overnight, especially when my wolf snarled at me anytime I pushed the thought of Yunho away, whining loudly whenever he came up in a conversation. My wolf wasnât happy with my decision, but I was the one in control, and I was done being hurt all the time. I missed the serenity I once had before meeting Yunho and the rest of the Songs, but if finally living the life my parents had always wished for came with the price of finding an unrequited mate, then I could live with that for now. Perhaps if I went far enough from here then the bond would somehow finally completely break. I could only hope that was the case and I wouldnât get somehow incurably sick, Iâve heard of it happening before, and it scared me.
Today had been a long day, I felt tired and my back muscles were aching from having been sitting all day long, my brain sore from having been paying close attention in my classes. My notebooks were filled with notes, there was not a second to rest now that we were back at the Academy. San and I had wandered on our own paths sometime during the afternoon, his classes different from mine, besides, I knew he liked working out before going for his run, where heâd most probably be joined by Wooyoung. He had texted me asking whether I wanted to join the two of them, but I had politely declined. San knew I liked being on my own, so he never pushed me if I wasnât feeling up to it. I always enjoyed my runs more on the Academy grounds than back at home, because here the forest was large and I rarely ran into other wolves while being out there. At home, the boundaries were clearly fenced in, to keep us from wandering too far into the Haunted Woods and getting lost. Other creatures than us, more ferocious ones, lurked deep in the forest, and some of us from Nocturnal Parade had never returned once they ventured too far in.
I knew I couldnât go back to the shed, especially not now, out of fear of running into Yunho. And as if the Universe was laughing at me today, the way my wolf started purring before the scent even hit my nose shouldâve been a clear sign to turn around and go the other way towards the campus, on the backroads where not many liked walking. It was a good spot for the Fae to hide away and drink in natureâs powers, so most of us kept clear of it to offer them privacy. I knew they wouldnât mind if I stumbled upon them, and Iâd rather face their wrath than run into Yunho right now. As I rounded the corner, I stopped walking just in time to avoid crashing into Yunhoâs larger body. He gasped and pressed a hand against his chest, gulping almost too loudly. I didnât look at him as I averted my eyes, nor said anything despite my wolf trying to nudge me towards Yunho. I just tried to step around him and hurry towards the entrance. However, something very unexpected happened. Yunhoâs low voice sounded unsure, almost, a little breathy as well.
âAre you headed for a run right now?â My body froze upon hearing Yunhoâs question, and I tried to fight every particle of my body from stepping closer to him when his sandalwood scent called out to me. It was deeper, more earthy than ever before, and my wolf was purring so loudly it echoed in my ears as if it were real.
âYes.â My answer was short, but before I could leave, Yunho followed up with another question.
âMay I join you?â He sounded more confident this time, I could feel his eyes on me as my eyebrows furrowed.
What? I gulped, trying to keep my heartbeat even as his question echoed in my mind. Why now? Why did he want to join me on my run all of a sudden? Why was he even talking to me? Why was he acknowledging me? Without even realising it, I had started fiddling with the wolf charm of my bracelet, finding courage as I raised my head and looked into his chocolate brown eyes.
âNo.â Yunhoâs face became blank as he gulped again, his left eye slightly twitching, âI donât like going on runs with others.â
Yunho was silent for another second as I raised my eyebrow at him, challengingly. What did he want? His tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he huffed, a cynical smile crossing his features, âI see.â
I hummed, fingers tightening around the charm as I was displeased with his reaction, but I didnât say anything as I nodded once, stepping around him this time to resume my walk. But, once again, Yunho spoke up before I could leave.
âHave you done the assignment? For our Literature class.â Just what was he on? My eyebrows furrowed again as I looked at him confused, Yunho slightly turned his body to face mine since I was standing next to him.
âYes, we were supposed to hand it in before the Spring Break.â I knew my tone was sharp as I deadpanned, but I couldnât help myself. Yunho had never spoken to me like this before, let alone asked about a run or an assignment. If he stumbled into me on accident, he wouldnât even apologise, so this whole interaction was bizarre, âWhy? Have you not done yours?â
âI have.â Yunhoâs eyes narrowed then, slowly trailing down my body until it stopped on my wrist. I shivered and hid my arm behind my back as if I had done something I wasnât allowed to, my wolf whispered at me that I was wearing something that hadnât always belonged to me, âAre youâdid Mingi give you something of his?â
Once again, what? I huffed, closing my eyes for a second as I could feel irritation seep through my body. It wasnât just my scent souring, Yunhoâs sandalwood got replaced by the vanilla, which didnât smell as sweet as usual, âNo, why would he?â
But Yunho didnât answer as his jaw tightened, his eyes switching between mine before they fell back down to my wrist as if he were trying to see through the sleeve of my jacket. His long hair was tousled, almost as if he had been running his fingers through it too often, and his cheeks were covered in a coral blush and littered with fake freckles. His nails were painted yellow this time and they matched the neon yellow of his bomber jacket, which seemed to hide a purple mesh shirt underneath. A blue tie hung loosely around his neck, and his jeans had daisies stamped on his thighs. He looked amazing, even if peculiar, he made my wolf purr in a dreamy way that had me move slightly towards him, hoping that he hadnât noticed since he was still busy staring at my wrist, which I was still hiding behind my back.
âAre you lying to me right now?â Yunhoâs tone had turned a tad bit aggressive, and suddenly, I found him all up in my face, closing the distance between us with an alarming speed. My heart skipped a beat and my wolf leered at Yunhoâs actions, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, distracting me for a second from Yunhoâs sudden, and unwarranted, fury.
âWhat is your problem, Yunho?â Despite craving to touch him and nuzzle into the crook of his neck, I pushed through the sudden lustful haze and made my anger apparent. That seemed to catch Yunho off guard as his expression fell a bit, his eyebrows furrowing as he gulped, opening his mouth before he closed it again, seemingly not knowing how to answer my question. I scoffed, gave him a fierce glare, and ignored my wolfâs whimpers when I stepped back. Then I turned around to storm towards the exit. Where was all that audacity coming from?!
           It was a warm spring day, the sun had finally melted the last remnants of frostbite and dew, yet most students were cooped up in the Study Hall or Library, busy catching up with the projects and assignments they had procrastinated on so far. Perhaps going to the Library wouldâve been a smarter choice since the cacophony of the grand room distracted me more than once from my coursework. Midterms were right around the corner and everyone was squeezing in study time even on the weekends, determined to memorise as much material as possible. Thankfully, I wasnât behind in any of my classes but I still had to finish my Alchemy assignment, which was proving to be a headache. San was busy reading through his Anatomy notes and scribbling down even more information in his notebook as four different books were opened and strewn around him on the table. The sight made me chuckle, but I didnât bother San as I knew heâd get anxious if he wasnât able to finish checking all the materials he had proposed for himself to go over that day. He was quite literally a prodigy, yet he strived for even more perfection. I knew his whole future depended on his grades, but San was too smart for his own goodâŠacademically, at least.
As I jotted down another sentence about my failed experiment just from last night, Yeriâs chewing gum snapped loudly, making San flinch. He was so focused he didnât even look up, but his eyebrows slightly furrowed. I peeked at Yeri from above my laptop and raised an eyebrow at her when I realised, she had been staring at me already. She sighed as she placed her chin in her palm, grimacing as the chewing gum had stuck to the corner of her lips. I chuckled as she quickly got rid of it, and cleared her throat.
âDo you think youâll pass your Alchemy class this semester?â Yeriâs tone was deadpan, and it almost made me laugh. Maybe I shouldâve gone to the Library where we werenât allowed to speak much to each other, maybe then Yeri wouldâve spared me from her brutally honest questions.
âI sure hope so,â I muttered as I searched for the right formula on the internet, which was much faster than flipping through old pages of books, trying to find the answer for my magick elixir.
âWill you have to retake your class if you fail?â Yeri pressed, genuinely interested all of a sudden.
âNo, it would be the first time I failed this class, Iâd just retake the final exam,â I explained as San hummed next to me, highlighting something with green in the book he had borrowed from the Library. I was sure heâd get a good scrutinising from the librarian for that.
âHow many passes do I get before they fail me? Like the exams and shit.â
âWhich class are you failing, Yeri?â San spoke up with an amused tone as he sneaked a glance at her. I chuckled as I found the formula, then copied it into my notebook before putting it into my slideshow.
âDonât tell my brothers,â Yeri lowered her voice as she leaned over the table to be closer to San and me, âBut I might be failing Literature this year.â
âLiterature of all subjects?â San started laughing, prompting me to giggle as well. It was one of our easiest classes, trust Yeri to fail it. It seemed like the Songs were easily tricked by the easiest of tasks, Wooyoung was another prime example of that. He failed his Sports class last year, which shouldâve physically been impossible for a werewolfâŠeven all of the vampires had passed it.
âStop making fun of me,â Yeri pouted as she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, âNot everyone likes to readâI certainly donât.â
âWell, you should from now on, or youâll have to retake the whole class next year.â Yeriâs eyes widened at my inoffensive threat.
âWhatever,â She grumbled under her breath as her ears perked up, eyes looking around the room. Sanâs body seemed to tense too for a second before he relaxed, his ears tinged slightly red, âDonât wait for me to come back to our room tonight.â
âWhere are you going?â I felt like an older sister worrying about their younger sibling as my eyebrows furrowed. Yeri just rolled her eyes with a loud huff, eyes fixed on something behind me as she started smiling.
âIâm sleeping in Seungwannieâs room tonight.â I could hear footsteps approaching us rapidly.
âWhat about her roommate?â I asked as a familiar citrusy scent caught my attention, I didnât have to turn around to know who was coming.
âSheâll be fine, we like her.â I chuckled as Yeri winked, and then her eyes settled on San, or rather who stood now next to him. Before any of us could react, Wooyoung leaned down and pressed a fat kiss against Sanâs cheek, unleashing a heavy thundering of heartbeats. I ignored Sanâs heartbeats as I smiled at Wooyoung, who looked embarrassed by his actions, but he was grinning sheepishly as he lowered his head.
âHi!â He greeted us as San finally snapped out of his frozen state, giving Wooyoung a genuinely wide smile.
âHello, Woo,â I said as the younger pulled out a chair and sat in it, dismissing Yeri when she stuck her tongue out at her brother. Wooyoung rested his chin in his palm, head tilted as he looked at San.
âAre you still studying?â Wooyoungâs tone was impatient as Sanâs sigh was exasperated. I chuckled under my breath and went back to my slide show, looking over it for the nth time, âIâm so bored, San, you promised to come back to my room with me and entertain me.â
âOh, did you now, San?â Yeri grinned mischievously as she giggled, making Wooyoungâs eyes widen as he shot her an alarmed look. I watched the exchange wordlessly as Sanâs ears flushed a darker shade while he tried to make his body look even smaller as his wide shoulders hunched forward, âDoes that form of entertainment involveââ
âSong Yeri.â Mingiâs tone was authoritative as Yeriâs eyes widened, lips pressing into a straight line. How have I missed them approaching? Yunho was directly looking at me, his soft and chocolate brown eyes drilling into my forehead as I quickly looked away, once again busy with my PowerPoint presentation, âLeave your brother and San alone, must you always be such a menace?â
âIf they are idiotsâŠâ Yeri grumbled under her breath, and I watched curiously as both San and Wooyoung looked away, blushing and their hearts skipping a beat. I suppose it wonât take them much longer to finally come to terms that they like each other, Wooyoungâs been rather reactive lately around San, it was certainly fun to watch. What wasnât fun at all, however, was Yunhoâs unrelenting stare and his scrunched nose as he sniffed at the air.
âHello, Y/N.â I didnât expect the vampire girl to speak to me, she even had a smile on her face as my round eyes fell on her. It was a small smile, but it was there. I watched the people around us turn around surprised as they looked between me and the Petrova girl. I smiled and waved at her, the small wolf charm swishing around on my wrist. I didnât miss Yunhoâs eyes instantly falling onto it, nor the vampire girlâs satisfied smirk when Yeri scowled at her, âAre these rascals bothering you?â
âOh, not at all.â I chuckled, looking at San and Wooyoung as Yeri scoffed, but everyone just ignored her.
âWell, if you ever get bored of them, you can always join me and my friends.â The vampire girlâs eyes fell pointedly on Yeri and Wooyoung as Mingiâs grip tightened on her waist, âI know some creatures forget they cohabit a place with others whom they are constantly bothering and irritating.â
âOh, shove something up yourââ
âAlright!â Mingi chuckled, jumping in to de-escalate the situation, as always, âBefore this turns into another argument, my lovely girlfriend and I will be on our way.â
The Petrova girl winked at Yeri as she kissed Mingiâs cheek, and then the two turned and were off to a table where three creatures sat, all smiling at them except for one. She had long black hair, bangs that fell into her eyes, and a fierce glare as she stared at Yunho, then at me once she realised, I was looking at her.
âWonât you sit?â Wooyoung gestured towards the empty seat next to Yeri, and that seemed to snap Yunho out of whatever train of thought he seemed to be lost in. I chanced a glance at him before I went back to check for typos in my presentation, trying to ignore Yunhoâs vanilla scent spiking all of a sudden, so sweet it almost made me gasp. The last time it had been that sweet was when I caught him and that girl at the bonfire enjoying each other. I gulped and willed my wolf to remain silent as suddenly it took me everything to remain seated and not throw myself at Yunho, God, I so desperately wished to touch him and inhale him whole, but once again I had to remind myself that I had made a choice. No more Yunho, no more yearning, it was over. I deserved better, I could do better than this.
âNo, see you around.â Yunhoâs voice was strained as he quickly walked off, sitting alone at a large and almost empty table.
âThat was strange,â Wooyoung mumbled as Yeri hummed, turning around to stare at her brother with a frown.
âHeâs been acting strange ever since Y/N came to town,â I froze as Yeri faced me again, lips pursed, âNot that Iâm blaming you for my brotherâs behaviour, I just donât understand whatâs up with him. His scent gets stronger around you and heâs always moodier and snappier after he sees you, did you do something to him?â
I scoffed, rolling my eyes too as I closed my laptop, âRight, as if your brother had given me the chance to do something to him.â
Before anyone could question me, I stood and stormed towards the large bookcases lined closely to the exit, my muscles tense. Now that I had decided that I wanted nothing more to do with Yunho, my wolf had turned even more stubborn than it had been. I wanted to consume him, I wanted him to touch me and feel me up, it felt like I couldnât think or breathe in his presence. And when he wasnât around, my wolf whined and cried, begging me to find him and make him want us. But my will was stronger and I was determined to stay away even if it became harder and harder daily to go against my wolf. I wondered if Yunho felt the same way, if the thoughts of me were eating him up alive, if he was desperate to have me, if his wolf whined at him just like mine did. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to ground myself into the present and push away all thoughts of the mate who didnât want me back. I wouldâve been struggling more half a year ago, but now it was second nature yearning after Yunho one second, then blocking him out the next one.
I still needed one more book for my presentation, the one that I could document myself from more in-depth as to why my experiment had failedâŠand I also shouldnât forget to cut the sound for the recording since Yeri is giggling and making fun of me in the background for almost ruining my desk. My fingers traced the sturdy shelf of the bookcase as I craned my neck back, reading the titles of the books, wondering whether I was in the right section. I was tall, but these bookcases were over two meters, so I might need a ladder if I find my book and itâs way too high up on the shelf. As I scanned the next aisle, I grinned in triumph when I read the title of the book I was searching for, Doâs and Donâts in Elixir Making, Alchemy, Level: kindergarten, by A. Turner. I chuckled under my breath at the blatant jab before I pushed myself up on my tiptoes, reaching forward and finding stability in the bookshelf when a sudden invasive warmth burned my nape, the scent of sandalwood forcing my eyes shut as I took a deep breath, my wolf purring when the sweet vanilla seemed to linger in my throat and oesophagus even after exhaling.
âIs this the one you were looking for?â Yunhoâs voice was low, too close to my ear, and I couldnât stop my heart from jolting in both fright and excitement. I whirled around, which was a mistake. There was barely any distance between our bodies as Yunho held the book in his big hand, long fingers curling around its old spine, his eyes soft, but his expression hardened. I gulped since my mouth felt dry, but the words didnât come to me as Yunho and I stood staring at each other. His grip tightened around the book and I finally looked at it, nodding hesitantly. He hummed and handed it over, our fingers brushing in the process and making my body lurch forward. Yunhoâs eyes widened, and I wondered if he had felt it too. The electricity, the low humming, the sudden tremble of my body at the fleeting touch, the depravation and desperation that was suddenly flowing through my veins, so close to claiming him as mine.
âYes.â My voice was steady despite my hammering heart, and the sweat that coated my brows. I cradled the book against my chest as if I was trying to protect myself from Yunho, protect my heart and mind too. But Yunho didnât look like he was about to move away, and I was too scared of making any moves, knowing that my legs would carry me straight in his arms, shamelessly at that. I couldnât let that happen, it wouldâve been humiliating. Yunhoâs lips parted as his eyebrows furrowed, long strands falling into his eyes, and he swiftly ran a hand through his hair as my eyes followed the motion. I gulped, wishing to do the same, but then Yunho exhaled and I felt my body lean towards him again, vanilla so sweet my mind was clouded with want.
âMingiâs girlfriend told me she had given you the sparse bracelet she and Dahyun had made.â I hadnât expected that, so I was curious where Yunho was going with this, âShe reeks of Mingi, so itâs no surprise your bracelet also reeks of Mingi.â
My eyebrows furrowed as I raised my hand, staring at it incredulously. Does it? I hadnât even noticed, how come? After all, Mingiâs scent had never been as invasive and constant as Yunhoâs. Bringing my wrist closer to my nose, I sniffed at it for a second, eyebrows furrowing when I noticed the faint hint of the earthy and cinnamon scent that was Mingi. It was barely even there, I wondered why Yunho was so sensitive towards it.
âOh, well, I can faintly smell it now that youâve pointed it out,â I muttered with a shrug as I lowered my arm, looking at Yunho with a questioning gaze. He bit his bottom lip and my eyes stayed there, wondering what the pink plush flesh would feel like underneath my teeth, whether Yunho would whine or growl if I were to sink my fangs into it and nip at the sensitive lip. But before my face could flush at the vivid image created in my mind, Yunho cleared his throat and took a small step towards me, making me press myself up against the bookcase. My body felt alive, my heart was racing, and my ears were ringing. I felt like I could do anything with Yunho around, as if I was untouchable.
âListen,â Yunho seemed to hesitate for a second before his eyes glazed over with conviction, his scent so overbearing that for a second it was all I could focus on, and his racing heart, âI had never meant to assume things about you, nor insinuate anything, but I realise my words had come off wrong more than once. I was harsh when I didnât mean to be, and I know you think Iâm a dick. Frankly, you have all the right to think that about me, I hadnât been the nicest to you until now.â
I wanted to ask why now, what had changed that he was finally acknowledging me, what was spurring him on to even talk to me like this, because it sounded like he was about to apologise and I hated how my heart was beating harder, making my wolf was howl in happiness, ready to accept Yunhoâs apology even if he didnât say the words. I remained silent as Yunho licked his pouty lips, and my eyes seemed to remain on them even as he continued to speak, âDo youâdo you believe in soulmates?â
I couldnât help but give Yunho an amused look, quirking an eyebrow, âWeâre literally werewolves who imprint on each other and have lifelong mates, do you believe in soulmates?â
Yunho froze, a little taken aback that I had answered his question with a question, âWhat about mates? Do you believe in mates, then?â
It seemed like neither one of us wanted to answer questions right now, but I sighed as I gave Yunho a resigned look, âI do, I believe in mates.â
âSince when?â Yunhoâs tone was turning slightly desperate as he kept pressing on, and I cleared my throat, averting my eyes for a bit.
âSince I was little, but I suppose I started firmly believing that mates do exist after I came here.â Maybe if I didnât say it too directly, heâd still understand what I was trying to hint at.
âYeah?â Yunhoâs tone was faint, his face suddenly softening as he exhaled quietly.
âWhat about you? I donât think Iâve seen you settle with anyone for a longer period since I came here.â Yunhoâs jaw clenched as I looked back into his eyes, tilting my head as my eyes narrowed at him.
âThe concept of mates was silly to meâŠâ Yunhoâs tone was hard as he took a step back, making my wolf whine in protest, but I remained silent and ignored the sudden coldness that plunged through my body, âUntil you came to Nocturnal Parade.â
My whole body went cold upon hearing his words, and my eyes widened as Yunhoâs admission echoed in my ears. Did that mean he knew we were mates? Could that mean that Yunho was aware that we were fated, but he was ignoring it on purpose? That was utterly more painful than being in a one-sided mated situation, because it meant he was purposefully rejecting me. My eyebrows furrowed as Yunhoâs expression was blank once again, his eyes hardening the longer I stared at him in silence.
âYeah?â
âYeah.â
I felt like I couldnât breathe, so many questions whirling in my head, making me question every little interaction that weâve had in the past year, even more so the recent ones. Why would he ignore me? Was I not good enough? Was I not pretty to him? Was I not appealing to his wolf? Why did Yunho hate me so much that he ignored the fact that we were mates for a whole year, making it so hard for me to be in his vicinity? I blinked, suddenly aware that I had tears in my eyes, even my wolf was whining at the realisation. Yunho didnât say anything as he watched my shocked expression morph into something of sadness mixed with anger, and then I squared my shoulders and glared at him. I didnât say anything as I pressed the book against his chest to push him back, trying to keep it together in front of him despite wanting to scream at him, demand answers, and throw all the books from the shelves at him. Yunho looked taken off guard as I pushed him back by his chest, his gasp loud as I ripped the book away from his chest and stormed back to the table I shared with San and the Song siblings, my blood fuming and my thoughts running a mile per hour. Yunho was horrible and he didnât deserve me, even if we were mates. As I loudly and aggressively sat back down in my chair, heads turned to look at me curiously, but nobody bothered me when San shook his head once he noticed Wooyoung open his mouth to drill me with questions.
There was one insistent pair of eyes, however, that didnât look away even after I had given them a death glare, and it was the creature who was sitting with Mingi and the Petrova girl. Her eyes tracked Yunho as he hurriedly gathered his things from the table and left the hall, a scowl settling on her face before she was watching me again. I opened my book and opted to ignore her, I didnât have time for all this drama, I had to finish an assignment and study for the midterms as well.
           The next day wasnât much different, except that there were barely any empty seats to find in both the Library and the Study Hall. After San and I had squeezed ourselves in between a Fae and a Druid, we spent four hours in the Library, our backs aching by the time we headed for lunch. My brain felt numb and my eyes ached from dehydration, and if I thought San would stop his revision while we enjoyed our meal, I was wrong. He was reciting a whole paragraph as he mumbled to himself over a mouthful of vegetable soup, scooping up the baby carrots into his spoon and placing them in my bowl absentmindedly. I smiled at his antics and found myself feeling fond of San and our friendship. Even though I have been here for a year and three months now, I got to experience so many new things and emotions. It was as if I was born for the first time, eager to experience our world through new lenses. If I thought back to my whole life spent in the big city, I couldnât help but feel sad over how much I had missed out on. The community, however, in Nocturnal Parade had a way of filling in the gaps, and the absence of fond and good memories in a way that tricked my brain into believing that I was always part of this town, of this community, of this pack. It was exhilarating, and for the first time in months, I found myself craving partnership.
So, when San finally started complaining about physically being unable to revise and learn anymore, his muscles crying out for a good stretch, I proposed we go on a run together. It took San only a few seconds to realise what I saying, and then he sprung up from his seat with newfound energy, packing all of his belongings in mere minutes. I giggled as I followed suit, my backpack almost falling from my hands when San grabbed my biceps and hurled me after himself with little care that I was struggling to keep my feet from tangling together as we basically ran out of the Library. I ended up giggling as San faced me with sparkling eyes, his mouth wide but curling into a dimpled smile.
âIâve been waiting for this day since forever!â San exclaimed as we hurried down the hallway for no reason, but Sanâs excitement was so palpable that I could almost touch it. It would be the second time Iâd join San on his run, so I understood why this felt like a life-changing event to him. I chuckled and linked our arms together to try and slow San down, calm him down a little bit, âWhich deity must I thank that you chose me as your companion for a run?â
I rolled my eyes and turned my head to watch San as I released his arm to let him hop down the stairs, âItâs warm outside and I canât study anymore, I feel tired. I thought you also needed a second away from it all.â
âI sure do,â San muttered under his breath as he waited at the foot of the stairs for me to reach him, âAll this studying just for me to not know which major I actually want, weâre four months away from graduating from the Academy, Y/N.â
I hummed and linked our arms together again as I veered us towards the backroads leading to campus, âI know, but youâve got this San. Whether you choose Medical Engineering or Medicine and Pharmacy, youâll do well, I just know it.â
âI want to do so much, but I feel like we have so little time,â San mumbled, his lips downturned as we left the building.
âWe might not be vampires, but we certainly have more than enough time to live a lifetime full of completing our wishes and wants, donât you think?â I tried to cheer my best friend up as I nudged his shoulder, but San just sighed long and stopped walking. His scent suddenly soured, and I frowned as he shuffled on his feet, keeping his eyes on the ground.
âIâm justâŠâ He sighed and I hummed, spurring him on to continue, âWhat if Wooyoung doesnât like me the way I like him?â
That was a tough question, I would hate myself if I answered it the wrong way and only saddened San more. I gulped and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him lightly, âSan, do you not see the way Wooyoung just gravitates towards you? His eyes glimmer when he looks at you, heâs always smiling and laughing in your presence, and heâs always whiney when you donât pay attention to him. He searches for you in every room, and heâs always talking about you, somehow roping you up into a conversation that has nothing to do with you. I know baring our feelings is scary, but what ifâŠwhat if Wooyoung likes you the way you like him, and youâre just both wasting time? And if he somehow isnât into you, itâs Wooyoung, you know nothing will change. Heâll treat you the same way, San. You might be heartbroken but life goes on, and youâll find someone who isâŠnot Wooyoung.â
âWow,â San chuckled, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing, âYou really were doing so well until you brought up Wooyoung not being into me.â
âIâm sorry!â I exclaimed, feeling bad only for a second as San started laughing. I huffed as he threw an arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his side, a light flush settling over his cheeks. He was still smiling and his scent had evened out, so I knew he wasnât upset anymore. Maybe my speech was good, after all, even if I ruined it by insinuating Wooyoung might not be into San.
âYouâre right, Y/N,â San and I started walking again, âI wonât waste any more time. Iâll tell him before the next full moon.â
My eyes widened as I looked at Sanâs side profile, âThatâs in five days.â
âI know.â San and I shared a look before I hummed, grabbing him around the hips to give him a reassuring squeeze. He smiled in contentment as we wobbled our way through the grass-covered path, thankful that we didnât come across any Fae that was drinking up the warm sun rays as they lay in the grass.
And, well, thatâs how I ended up on a run not just with San, but Wooyoung also. It didnât bother me, it turned out that Wooyoung was a lot more coordinated and serious when in wolf form than he was in his human shape. His wolf wasnât too large, but it had great stamina as it ran ahead of San and me, its fur a mixture of black and white, reminding me of his brothers, who both had beautiful fur and majestic builds. At first glance, it seemed as if Wooyoung was aimlessly leading us around the forest, but I was proven wrong when we arrived at a small waterfall, of which I had no idea it even existed. My wolf purred as it shook its fur, looking around with sharp eyes, making me chuckle inside my head when I noticed San headed towards Wooyoung, rubbing their muzzles together. My wolf howled, making me feel embarrassed when both San and Wooyoung looked my way, the amused glint in Wooyoungâs wolf eyes unmistakable even like this. When I was in my wolf form, it was hard to control its reactions, so I was forced to wallow in the embarrassment of the jealousy my wolf felt over what San and Wooyoung had. Even to my wolf, it was obvious that the twoâs bond ran deep, that there was something they wouldnât be able to deny for much longer.
As if Sanâs wolf had sensed my shift in mood, he approached with strong footsteps, rising a little taller than my own wolf. He was nowhere near as large as Yunho or Mingi, but the wolf was still big and menacing looking. The darkness of its eyes was intimidating to anyone who didnât know it was San. The sourness of my scent, however, disappeared the second San affectionately brushed its body against mine, huffing under his breath as our heads bumped together in an acknowledging way. It was sweet, it tempered my wolfâs antics if only for a second as we heard the bushes rustling, the steps sounding closer and closer. My skin twitched as I bared my fangs for any unwelcome predator, but even my wolf was shocked to see a black and white wolf emerge from behind a large boulder. It was hard to think straight when your wolf was in control of your body and mind, and I had to pull every part of my mind together to stop my wolf from pouncing on Yunho the second they made eye contact. Something deep rumbled out of the black wolfâs throat as Wooyoung skipped over gleefully, its mouth opened as it made a funny sound.
Mingi imitated the sound as they bopped their noses together, a rumble leaving Sanâs throat as he stood next to me, protectively, as he watched Yunhoâs wolf. A very quiet whine managed to somehow slip past my clenched jaw still when Yunho and Wooyoung acknowledged each other, and the second I realised my wolf would actually throw itself at Yunho, I somehow gathered enough mental strength to force myself to jump away from the group, a loud howl leaving my throat. I knew everyone was watching me, but I was panting and my wolf was purring, I knew I had to leave before I created an even bigger scene. So, when I took off, hopeful that the others would let me be, my wolf almost leered at me when Yunhoâs vanilla scent permeated every part of my being, its burning gaze on my body making me choke up as I could see the big, black, wolf chase after me. Everyone else wasnât far behind, but Yunho seemed to run faster than any of them, forcing me to push myself as my paws hit the forest ground harshly, my lungs heaving for air as we waved through the trees, racing through the forest.
Yunhoâs loud puffs of air wouldâve covered my skin in goosebumps, a constant reminder of just how close he was to me, to catching me. Because it felt like a chase, as if I was running away from a dangerous predator, and would end up dead, my windpipe crushed between its malicious fangs. My heart raced in my chest and my lungs burned from the lack of air, but my wolf wasnât tired yet. In fact, it was elated that Yunho was relentlessly chasing, loud huffs and growls leaving its mouth anytime he thought he had finally caught up to us, only to realise my wolf was just tricking him and would speed up once again. My wolf was thrilled as it howled loudly, it wouldâve sounded like laughter if I was in my human form, and then it took a sharp left cut as we jumped over numerous fallen logs. My skin was on fire as adrenaline coursed through my body at an alarming state, and I couldnât remember a time when I had been so in touch with my wolf and the nature that surrounded us. I couldnât lie, I was excited as well as I listened closely to Yunhoâs heavy breaths, still hot on our trail even though he couldnât quite catch up with us.
I couldnât tell whether the others were still after us because Yunhoâs scent was so intense that it was the only thing my wolf could smell and focus on, but I hoped the others would forgive me for my sudden departure once I had apologised to them. I just hoped San wouldnât worry about me, but then again, itâs not like I couldnât take care of myself, and right now it didnât feel like I was in danger despite Yunho breathing down our neck. Before I could question where my wolf was taking us, the trees became less dense and the soil a little muddier, and I realised we were headed towards the shed. I suppose my muscles had eased up enough for me to end my run, but I wouldnât want to come to the shed since this isnât where I had left my clothes, I felt confusion spike through my senses, but my wolf was quick to completely push it down. My bones started aching as I gasped loudly for air, the shed now in eyesight as I realised my wolf was forcing me to shift. I didnât want to be naked out in the wild, but I couldnât stop the transformation if my wolf forced it upon me. I groaned when my bones snapped into place, the burgundy fur slowly disappearing as I was forced up onto my legs, my claws slowly retracting into normal nails as my jaw snapped into place, a little sore from the sudden action.
I could feel my hair brush just above my shoulders and I gasped as I tumbled forward into the shedâs door, my feet aching and numb from having pushed myself too hard in the chase. My body felt on fire as my heart raced loudly in my chest, the adrenaline making me more alert than normal as I hurried inside the shed, trying to shift back so that I wouldnât have to walk to campus naked, but my wolf was opposed to the idea. Before I could wonder why, all my questions were answered. The shedâs door slammed shut loudly behind me and I jumped, whirling around in panic as Yunhoâs tall form stood looming in the doorway. There was something different about him right now, about the air between us. It was tense, I felt like I couldnât breathe in the dim lighting of the shed, and I gulped as I took in Yunhoâs appearance. His long brown hair was all over the place, falling into his dark eyes, which lacked their warmth. They were narrowed into slits as he was panting through his mouth, his cheeks tinged a deep red, the flush continuing down to his chest. His fangs hadnât retracted yet, though, and they were poking past his pink bottom lip. Yunhoâs nose was scrunched up as he leered at me, and I gulped nervously, all of a sudden too aware of my nakedness as I tried to shield my exposed private parts with my hand and arm.
Something prompted Yunho to suddenly push forward, consequently making me backtrack until I collided with the old wooden table, making my heart race even faster as Yunho slowly stalked towards me, his eyes an intense orchid colour. I felt shy all of a sudden as if we hadnât already seen each other naked, but my wolf purred at me and forced my hands away from my body as I felt frozen in place, big eyes looking up at Yunho once he stood too close, too easy to reach. His heart was pounding just as hard as mine as his chest fell and rose rapidly, and my eyes fluttered shut when his vanilla scent made my head swim. It felt as if I was underwater, trying to grip onto my last string of sanity as Yunho growled, hot fingers digging into my hip. My eyes flew open, widening as I looked down at Yunhoâs hand holding me, leaving crescent moons as his chapped yellow nails dug into my warm skin. He stepped even closer, caging me in, and making me look up at him as I felt hazy. My wolf was whispering at me to spread my legs just a little further and let him nestle in between them. I wanted Yunho like nothing else before.
âY/N.â Yunhoâs voice was the lowest I have ever heard it be. His eyes seemed to be unfocused as he grabbed me with both hands now, slowly tracing my sides as if he were memorising my body. I had to bite my bottom lip to stop any sounds from escaping, and in a moment of weakness, I allowed my wolf to do to its liking as I raised my right hand, fingers almost hesitantly touching Yunhoâs left peck. He shivered as his jaw tightened, stepping even closer until our bodies were touching. It was too much to feel all of him against my skin, his body burning mine up in a way I thought wasnât possible. My breath stuttered in my throat when Yunhoâs fingers ghosted over my breasts, mine travelling lower on his torso until they were massaging circles right above his happy trail, making him growl, âI canât do it anymore.â
It was hard to speak, but I needed to understand what he meant. I swallowed around nothing, letting my head fall back as Yunhoâs pupils dilated upon seeing my exposed neck, âWhatâwhat do you mean?â
Without realising, my hands were tracing his lower back, slipping lower and lower until they hovered right above his ass cheeks, hesitant to touch until Yunho roughly grabbed my left breast, rutting against my thigh. I keened, pressing him closer as my fingers dug into his naked flesh, my skin practically singing as he tilted my head even further back with his free hand, his index finger pressing against my bottom lip insistently. I couldnât breathe as the wooden edge of the table dug into my back, but I didnât care as my body experienced things it never had before. It was exhilarating, but also scary that I had given in so quickly. I knew it was mostly my wolf doing this, but I couldnât find my grip. I actually didnât want to, so I let my wolf take the lead for once when it came to Yunho. Itâs what weâve wanted for a year, after all, to feel him all over us, close to us, in us.
âYouâre so alluring,â Yunho whispered as his head lowered, his hot lips pressing against my cheek as I flushed a darker red, âMaddening to the point I canât sleep at night, Y/N. I want to devour you whole, take you as you are. I need you.â
I whimpered as Yunho and I made eye contact, his hand which was holding my breast now sneaking to my lower back as he made me arch into him, my lower stomach coiling at how easy it would be to just let him take whatever he needed. And I wanted it too, my wolf was desperate for it, so I leaned up until our lips were brushing together, my own orchid eyes reflected in his.
âWhy now?â I whispered, watching as Yunho gulped, lips parting as if he was trying to inhale my very breath, âWhy do you want me now?â
I gasped when Yunho suddenly hoisted me up, my legs crushing his hips as I latched onto him, my eyes shaking slightly as he nipped at my jawline, his fangs dangerous but not there to harm, âItâs not just now, I always want you. Even when Iâm sleeping, youâre in my every dream.â
My eyes fluttered close as Yunho kissed behind my ear, making me sigh in pleasure as he trailed more kisses on my neck until he was dangerously close to my scent gland, âBut youâve always ignored me, I thought you didnât like me.â
Yunho growled as he nipped at my skin, making me lick my lips as we came eye to eye once again. I wanted to kiss him breathless, but he was talking before I could do so, âI donât like you, Iâm obsessed with you. I want you to be mine, forever. I had known you belonged to me the second I first saw you.â
My wolf purred and I moaned as he pressed open-mouthed kisses against my neck, up to my jawline until our cheeks were pressed together, and he was nuzzling his nose into it, his sandalwood scent rubbing deeply into my skin. Our noses bumped together and my wolf was leering, so happy that we were in Yunhoâs arms, so lenient to let him mark us, mate us. And just like that, my heartbeat stuttered and my eyebrows furrowed, somehow my mind clearing through the lustful fog that was clouding it, âSince the second you first saw me?â
âYes,â Yunho muttered lowly, kissing my cheek before he looked into my eyes, âI had smelled you before I had even seen you, I thought I was going crazy, turns out I wasnât. I had just found my mate.â
Before my wolf could let me gloss over this new piece of information, I pressed, âSo you knew all this time that we were mates? That I was fated to be with you?â
âYes, Y/N, I knew.â The grin on Yunhoâs face was anything but pleasant as my heart dropped all the way to my stomach. He knew all this time and he left me in the dark to suffer alone, cry myself to sleep thinking I wasnât good enough, that even my own mate didnât want anything to do with me. I had thought all this time that I was too weird, too much, too shy to be fated with someone like Yunho, I had thought it was a cruel joke made by the Universe to laugh at me, I couldnât have a peaceful and perfect life even if we left the city. I had been suffering for the past year and all this time Yunho knew, and yet, he did it on purpose. He didnât care for me, he didnât think for a second what this did to my mental health and image of myself. He was my mate, yet instead of protecting me, making me happy, and keeping me safe, he pushed me towards my darkest times where I felt like I wasnât even real, that I didnât matter to anyone, that Iâd never be enough.
âPut me down.â My tone was just as shaky as my whole mental state right now, crumbling faster than my wolf could grasp the situation and try to silence me again. Yunhoâs eyes widened slightly, then his eyebrows furrowed, and instead of doing what I asked, he only held me tighter, âYunho, put me down right now.â
âY/N, I donâtâlisten, we can discuss this. I messed up, if you listen to the wholeââ
âIf you donât put me down right now, Yunho, youâll never see me again.â My wolf was whining as Yunhoâs expression crumbled into hurt and panic, his chest falling and rising rapidly as I could hear his heart race for different reasons now. But I wouldnât let this go his way, I couldnât just gloss over this and act as if I hadnât been miserable since the moment I met him. It hurt too much, even my wolf was finally realising what was happening, that he had actively refused his mate for whatever reason I wasnât curious to know. And even though I could see it in Yunhoâs eyes, the need to go against my demand and keep me here, very slowly, he started to move, letting one leg down at a time. My feet were cold as they touched the shedâs flooring, and I gulped as Yunho still hounded me into the table. I tried to keep the tears out of my eyes as I gulped, taking a shaky breath. Then, I pushed him back since he wasnât moving away, and closed my eyes as I felt my bones shift around without me having to force my wolf to cooperate. So much for running with your pack.
           The tables have somehow turned. It wasnât me yearning after Yunho anymore, it was him yearning after me now. He was everywhere I went, albeit the Academyâs grounds werenât as humongous as a townâs grounds, but he was everywhere. I couldnât enjoy my meals anymore, I couldnât study in the Library or the Study Hall, I couldnât sit out in the Flower Fields on a blanket reading, and I couldnât even go on runs at a reasonable hour because Yunho was always there. It was slightly frightening and disarming, but my wolf was elated. She was practically mewling at all times, baring her neck in Yunhoâs direction anytime she could. Good thing my will was stronger than hers. It was peculiar to see how good I was at actually dismissing Yunhoâs whole existence, giving him a taste of his own medicine. I didnât find joy in ignoring him, but I was mad and hurt. I wouldnât allow him to just crawl back into my life as if nothing had happened, as if he hadnât known all this time that we were mates. Only a week had passed since our encounter on the run and the whole thing that went down in the shed, and I was positive Yunho was close to losing his mind.
I had felt like that for a good two months, but I took it a lot better than he was right now. He looked like he hadnât slept for two days at least, with dark bags under his eyes and his hair all wavy and in a man-bun since it looked unwashed. His nails lacked their usual vibrant colour and his outfits seemed less crazy, as if he wasnât putting much thought into them anymore, just wearing whatever was at hand. Yesterday, he had even worn one of Mingiâs black hoodies, a colour unseen on Yunho previously. It was jarring, I couldnât lie, but I wasnât going to give in to him just because he was moping about me keeping my distance from him. It wasnât even that deep, I hadnât even rejected him like he had done with me, I just needed time to sort out my feelings and thoughts, but I suppose Yunho didnât know that and assumed things were over between us. As if there had been anything, to begin with. Yeri, who had no issues rooming with me but didnât usually hang out much with me otherwise, was now suspiciously all up in my business every damn day, resulting in Yunho tagging along. I knew the Song siblings were close, but I hadnât seen Yunho and Yeri spend more than one hour together at the Academy, so they werenât slick with it when Yunho followed after Yeri, and subsequently me, all day like a kicked puppy.
But if it wasnât Yeri, then it was Dahyun, who had never spoken to me more than five words at once, but was now eager to get to know me, complimenting me about my rusty coloured hair and forcing me to do beaded bracelets with her in the Study Hall while Yunho sat a few seats away from us, staring at me without even blinking. Their antics had gotten old and irritating quite quickly, but the last nail had been today during lunch. I sat with San and Wooyoung, who were disgustingly sweet now that they had finally sorted out their relationship. They werenât dating, but they were certainly something more than friends, and they seemed fine with that, so, who was I to judge them? Our lunch was full of chatter as Wooyoung cackled at every small thing, animatedly retelling a time when San had tried to sneak into his room, only to slip down the roof and fall face-first into the mud. He had broken two teeth and had almost fractured his cheekbone if it wasnât for our magical werewolf healing. My appetite had even returned as my wolf was finally done acting as if it was the end of the world, however, when Yunhoâs oppressing sandalwood scent wafted through the air, it felt like my whole day was ruined.
Mingi and his girlfriend joined our table with quiet greetings as they sat, Yunho hot in tow as his eyes burned into the side of my head. I have had enough, but before I could excuse myself, Wooyoung was already talking to Yunho. The vampire girl gave me an understanding look before she sat back, pushing around the vegetables until Mingi noticed and took them from her. I watched their interactions while paying attention to Wooyoung, who had slightly settled down when San squeezed his thigh. But Yunho was still staring, breathing shallowly, his bottom lip jutting out almost pitifully. I wanted to yell at him that this was his fault and that I was sick of everything, but I kept my composure until I couldnât anymore. A scoff made us all look up, and I realised it was the same creature from the Library, part of Petrovaâs friend group.
âLook at you,â She sneered at Yunho malevolently, her lips curling into a wicked smirk, âYou thought you had found another bitch just to get kicked to the curb by her, didnât you? How pitiful.â
Before I could stop myself, I pushed my chair back and looked at the creature with a glare, âWho are you calling a bitch?â
I hadnât intended to growl, but my wolf was just as triggered as me, and we really didnât want to be provoked today. I wasnât confrontational, but I was beyond stressed by the midterms, and now Yunhoâs behaviour too.
Before this whole ordeal could escalate into something else, the Petrova girl scoffed, rolling her eyes, âReally, Seulgi? I thought we agreed youâd finally let it go.â
Seulgi, Yunhoâs ex-girlfriend I realised, bared her fangs at the other vampire, âJust because you suck your werewolf boyfriendâs dick, you shouldnât look down on your kin. Or did you forget who you are and where you come from?â
I hadnât seen anyone get angry as fast as the Petrova girl, her whole face going red, but before the two vampires could turn this into something physical, Mingi stood and faced Seulgi, âI would appreciate it if you stopped harassing my girlfriend, your own friend, Seulgi. Last time I checked, you and Yunho broke up because you cheated on him. Whatâs your fucking problem, huh? Do you want me to rip you apart? I would love to sink my fangs intoââ
âMingi.â His girlfriend looked sick as she gripped his hand tightly, shaking her head at him. Mingi took a sharp breath and looked at her with a guilty expression before he faced Seulgi again, who looked to be fuming. I exhaled, then grabbed my backpack and tapped Sanâs shoulder.
âIâm not hungry anymore, see you later.â Before San could ask where I was going, I was basically running out of the canteen, desperate to get away from everyone. The other students were staring at us curiously, and I hated it. I was tired and irritated, I just wanted to be alone and away from anything that was connected to Yunho. I knew Iâd have to face him and have a conversation with him sooner or later, but maybe Iâd first make him suffer for his choices for another few months. Maybe until we graduate.
My footsteps echoed down the corridor as I decided to head back to my dorm and take a nap, I still had some time until my Calculus class. However, footsteps followed mine hurriedly, and judging based on the absence of an overbearing scent, I guessed it was a vampire that was trailing me. Maybe it was the Petrova girl, I actually hoped it was her since I didnât really want to speak to anyone who couldnât take a hint. She was rather good at reading the room, over the past week weâve hung out more, and I got to know her a bit better. She was anything like Yeri had made her sound, and I was just glad to have a friend who was a female and my age. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt sharp nails digging through my sleeve and into my skin, making my wolf growl as I turned around with a sharp glare. It was Yunhoâs ex, the black-haired girl, Seulgi.
âWhat do you want?â I snapped, my eyebrows furrowing when she didnât let go of my arm. She looked me up and down with a grimace, scoffing under her breath.
âAre you Yunhoâs new bitch?â My jaw tensed and my wolf growled, but Seulgi continued before I could speak, âHave you fucked already? Did he tell you that you are the love of his life only to cheat on you with a fucking dog the next day?â
So, she was associating werewolves with dogs now, huh? I couldnât have disliked her more than I already did, but I gulped down the nasty names I couldâve called her, and opted to be the adult in this damn conversation, âEven if my answers to your questions were all yes, how is that your concern? Arenât you just his ex?â
âI might be his ex,â Seulgi snickered, stepping closer, âBut I know him better than anyone elseââ
âI highly doubt thatâs true since he has a twin brother, but sure, whatever you say, darling.â I cut her off, my tone turning cold as something like jealousy gripped my heart. My wolf was far from exhilarated to know that Seulgi and Yunho shared a past, but everyone had a life before they met their mates, no? I couldnât flip out over something like this.
âListen here, bitch,â Seulgi hissed, stepping so close I could smell her breath. It reeked of blood and menthol, âIâm just here to warn you, but since you want to get smart with me, I might as well give you a piece of my mind. You are nothing toââ
âKang Seulgi.â Yunhoâs sharp and dark tone made me shiver and Seulgiâs eyes widened. I hadnât even heard him approach, too focused on Seulgi and my own anger. His scent was strong, the sandalwood making it hard to breathe as it spiked sourly, âHavenât I told you countless times to leave alone anyone that comes in contact with me?â
âAre you scared Iâll let them know who you really are? This bitch isnât even into you, I canââ
âYou canât do nothing, shut the fuck up, you know nothing.â Yunho sneered as he stopped next to me, a few good heads taller than Seulgi as he loomed over her. She didnât look intimidated or scared as she grinned widely, almost insane looking. She tilted her head, her eyes slipping between the two of us.
âYou think just because you scent this bitch others wonât touchââ I flinched when Yunho suddenly grabbed her by the throat, yanking her towards himself. Even Seulgi seemed shocked, her eyes turning wide as she gripped Yunhoâs wrist in fear.
âIf you call her a bitch one more time, Seulgi, I swear to fucking God, I will murder you right here and right now.â Yunhoâs growl was guttural, I knew his wolf was talking rather than him, but Seulgi didnât seem to realise that as she started shaking like a leaf. She gasped, her eyes flickering to me before she tried to smooth out her face and look friendlier.
âIs sheâYunho, it hurts.â She whined, lower lip trembling as Yunhoâs nails grew sharper and dug more into her neck. I stepped up, knowing that Yunho wasnât completely himself.
âLet her go, Yunho, youâre hurting her.â My tone was harsh, and I gripped his lower arm to squeeze it painfully. Yunho huffed and let go of Seulgi, who I grabbed before she could stumble over her own feet.
âAre you alright?â I asked quietly as she started to hyperventilate, her eyes filled with tears.
âAre you mates?â Her voice was quiet as she looked back at Yunho, leaving me speechless. I opened my mouth to deny it, but no words came out.
âYes.â It was Yunho who answered, firm and loud, I could feel him step closer as his warmth mingled with mine. Seulgi gulped, then looked at him before at me, brushing my touch off her.
âIâm sorry.â Then she turned and hurried off before we could stop her, her sobs quite loud as they echoed down the corridors. I gulped, feeling a lump in my throat as Yunho was still behind me, hovering over me as if I would run away if he didnât.
Even I had a breaking point, so I gave in, âWhat do you wantââ
âForgive me, for everything.â Yunho was speaking before I could even finish my sentence as he came around me, and gripped my cheeks, taking me off guard, âI donât demand you do it right away, I know you must be very angry with me right now, but please, listen to me before you say anything. I didnât believe in mates because my parents arenât true mates. My fatherâs mate died when they were children and my mother denied her real mate to be with my father, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and not wait for love to find me. IâI also mightâve been selfish and a jackass for not wanting to settle down just yet, that is mainly the reason Iâve tried to ignore our bond this whole time.
âItâs so shitty of me and Iâm so ashamed of myself, but I was scared that you might not want me back, that I might be in a one-sided situationship. My parents had always told us that we have the right to deny whoever the Universe destined us with and find our own person, but they were wrong, theyâthey donât know what the pull of a true mate feels like. When Mingi and Petrova started going out, I was so angry, I felt so abandoned. Mingi and I had promised we would never imprint on anyone, but he broke his promise when he imprinted on Petrova. I was so dumb to be mad at him, and I was even more dumb to try and deny what we two have. I realised I was jealous of Mingi at some point because I thought Iâd never have what he has, and then you showed up and IâI didnât know what to do, how to navigate all these new emotions. I also had a girlfriend at the time and I seriously thought weâd work out, butâŠyou were all I could think about and want. In fact, I donât want anyone else but you, Y/N. Iâm justâIâm asking you to give me a chance. Just one chance.â
I gulped, overwhelmed by Yunhoâs confession and his proximity altogether as my wolf purred, prompting me to nuzzle my cheek into Yunhoâs palm, inhale his scent deeply as my nose brushed against his hot wrist, âOne chance?â
Yunhoâs heart skipped a beat as vanilla wrapped around us, his eyes regaining that pretty spark in them, âYes, just one chance, I beg. Iâll prove myself to you, Iâll treat you right, and Iâll love you unconditionally. I want to make up for the lost time, may Iâcan you let me? Iâll do whatever you ask of me.â
I licked my lips and watched as Yunhoâs mouth parted, inhaling through his lips as his heart started racing. His ears were flushed and I smiled, a little amused, as I raised my left hand and cupped his cheek, making his eyes widen. But he didnât stay frozen, he let his right hand fall from my cheek as he pressed his palm over my hand to keep it firmly pressing into his cheek, âI wonât forgive you overnight, I hope youâre aware of that. You made me really suffer, Yunho, it was so painful at some points, I thought the broken bond would kill me.â
âIâm sorry,â Yunho whispered sorrowfully as he leaned forward to press his forehead against mine, and I sighed, closing my eyes. For a second, it felt as if it were just the two of us in the world, our scents mixed and creating a safe cocoon that couldnât be broken unless we wanted it to. I felt my heart beat in a new rhythm, one that was stronger and more frantic somehow. I realised it was Yunhoâs heartbeat I was feeling, and not my own, it made me wonder whether he could feel mine too.
âI havenât felt this complete my whole life,â Yunho whispered in a shaky tone and I gulped, angling my head so that our noses would brush together. Yunhoâs sharp exhale fanned over my face and I smiled, listening to the whisper of my wolf. She was right, I finally had him, and I didnât have to withhold anymore. Even if with baby steps, we could work this out, I could forgive him if he proves himself to be a respectable and trustworthy werewolf. So, I tilted my head away, hearing Yunhoâs breath catch as if he was panicking until my lips were pressing against his pink ones. They were warm, just like I had fantasized they would be, and they tasted like strawberries. I almost giggled, but I was too focused on the feeling that spread through my body, stealing my breath away even if it was just an innocent and fleeting peck to Yunhoâs lips. My body tingled, and it felt like I saw the world for the first time when my eyes fluttered open, Yunho was already staring at me deeply. His cheeks were flushed dark, his fake blush all but disappearing under his real blush, and he was smiling so widely his cheeks mustâve hurt once we pulled away. I chuckled and shook my head, gently placing my arms around his neck as he hugged me close to himself.
âThis isnât me forgiving you, by the way, my wolf is just too desperate at this point for me to fight against her,â I muttered and Yunho laughed, his eyes creasing as he threw his head back, the sound of his joy music to my ears. I couldnât help but grin widely and tighten my arms around him, wondering how I had gotten so lucky to have him of all werewolves as my mate.
âMine too, are you busy right now?â The mischievous glint in Yunhoâs eyes told me whatever we were about to do would define how weâd move forward with our relationship.
âNot really, why?â
âMingi wonât be back until late evening, the dorm is all mine,â Yunho whispered, biting his bottom lip as his pupils dilated, eyes slowly trailing down my body as if I was already naked.
âGood, because I forbid Yeri from bringing back boys to our dorm, I canât go around breaking my own rule.â I wriggled my eyebrows at Yunho, making him laugh as his hands slowly slipped lower on my torso, feeling me all up. It made me feel hot all over, my wolf purring loudly as I fought the urge to tilt my head back and bare my neck at Yunho.
âOh, the horror on her face if sheâd see her brother under your sheets.â Yunho made a mocking sound as he pressed a hand against his mouth, my eyes lingered on his long fingers. Iâm sure he noticed because he suddenly smirked, then swiftly pecked my lips before he detached himself from me, intertwining our fingers as he eagerly led the way towards our side of campus, âLetâs stop wasting time.â
I hummed, feeling my chest all warm from Yunhoâs warmth, my cheeks flushed and my heart racing in my chest. All this time I thought my mate would never want me back, yet here we were now, headed to explore what the future held for us. My wolf and I couldnât have been happier.
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#[đ¶] mina's recs#[đ] my ari#I can't decide if Mingi or Yunho's story is better#considering Mingi's is one of my favorite fics of yours#u can't make me chose đ#jeong yunho x reader#ateez x reader#jeong yunho#ateez
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Spy x Family Ch. 108: Fear
Don't get me wrong, that panel with Twilight remembering his friends was beautiful. I think he feels nostalgic for that connection with other people. However, I think what really caught my attention in this chapter was Melinda.
Come on, look at this:
Look at this face of terror. And she was just remembering her husband's eyes!
A long time ago, when we just met Melinda, I wrote this theory about her being afraid of her husband. Today, it was finally confirmed.
I feel so sad for her. Melinda has probably been carrying this alone for a long time. I doubt she's shared her fears with any friends or family members because, who would believe the illustrious political leader could be an abusive man? This is especially true if there's no actual physical violence in the relationship. However, like I said before, violence is more than that.
Something tells me that the violence in their relationship is mostly psychological. Donovan Desmond uses his authority to tell Melinda what to do, to create fear, to keep her away from their children.
Melinda appears as such a composed woman who has her life together in front of others, and only someone as emotionally perceptive and caring as Yor would notice something is wrong. There's a shame component in abusive relationships: "How did this happen to me? I used to be so strong and brave," combined with disbelief: "Am I overreacting? Is he really that bad? Why am I afraid of him if he hasn't really done anything to me?"
Hopefully, in time, Melinda will realize that fear is not only her responsibility; even if her husband wasn't physically abusive, his behavior caused her fear.
Without a doubt is a complicated issue, which brings me to something that will probably complicate things even more:
Yup, Twilight.
I'll admit that this is the first time that I felt very uncomfortable with what Twilight is about to do, but that's exactly the point. Good fiction/literature is suppose to move something within us, even if at times, it makes us feel uncomfortable.
You probably imagine why: Melinda is a person in dire need of therapy. She deserves (and needs!) a true professional and instead, she getting someone who is only trying to gather information.
HOWEVER...
Time and again, Twilight has shown that despite his line of work, he'll always try to do the right thing and the least amount of harm. So, I'm hoping he will apply that in this specific situation. My guess is that it will start as a way to get information (his classic "for the mission") but then, as Melinda opens up, he will actually give her good advice and hopefully empower her, as a real therapist would do!
Something else to keep in mind is that Melinda story of domestic violence could trigger Twilight himself in some way, given his own family history. We will have to wait to see how that goes.
Bonus
A final note on Melinda's beliefs in occultism: it makes sense.
I won't comment too much on the specific meaning of the cards because my knowledge is limited and I'm skeptical about that. But I will say that it makes sense that someone with so much fear and uncertainty in her life would believe in something that would bring her reassurance that everything will be okay or try to know the future in order to protect herself. (I really want to give Melinda a hug.)
On the other hand, you know who doesn't believe in that?:
Yup, our dear Becky, who is one of the most authentic character in sxf, who is protected and loved by her parents and Martha. That makes sense too.
#spy x family#twiyor#loid forger#yor forger#sxf#anya forger#loidyor#Melinda Desmond#spy x family analysis#spy x family meta#spy x family manga#sxf manga
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omg! omg! omg! do you have ideas on older jealous art? like what if he saw patrick on the date with helen at the hotel instead? or maybe saw patrick on a date with another man (grosu? đ) and got really upset but didnât understand why!
Oh yes, oh yesâŠ.<3
I think Art goes in the sauna, yes that sauna. But itâs before they ever meet up the night before they play the final.
CW: NSFWish, 18+
Summary: in which Art has a Karen moment because how dare you try and take his manâthat he really doesnât want (he promises). And no he doesnât know what heâs weirdly sexually confused about. But itâs not that.
-/-/-/-
Artâs winning again. Heâs mostly playing kids who are just so happy to be there or sad older guys who are so jaded and defeated about the idea of playing him that theyâve beaten themselves before Art even has to do anything. But still he is winning and it does feel good.
Heâs trying to put the idea of Patrick out of his mind. Tashi tells him every single day, âHeâs never going to make it to the final. Heâs gonna choke. Thatâs his thing.â But Art notices every round he wins Patrick wins too.
His body is sore and he always feels better in the heat but being who he is in the tennis world he usually waits till really late at night to relax in the sauna. Heâs sure no one else is going to be there so heâll get a moment of peace and quiet without any of the younger players gawking over him or asking him career questions. But as soon as he pushes open the door he realizes heâs not alone at all. Patrickâs sitting on the bench and heâs not alone. Heâs got some guy kneeling between his legs. The guy quickly gets to his feet when he hears the door and Art recognizes him vaguely from the draw. Victor Grasi or Grossi. Something.
The guy wipes his mouth on the back of his hand and Patrickâvery slowlyâ pulls the towel over himself, offering Art a smirk.
Art can feel his skin heating up. He wants to turn and run but he canât move. His stomach is suddenly swooping around like heâs riding a rollercoaster. He didnât know Patrick did stuff like that⊠with boys.
âWhatâs up Donaldson?â Patrick says brightly, like Art didnât just catch him with some stupid pretty boy between his legs. âIâve been meaning to come see you.â
Art glares at him still struggling to form words. He hasnât seen Patrick this close in so many, many years. He still smiles with his eyes but they crinkle now with age and around the edges of that smile he looks like he might be tired(sad?). And not just from lack of sleep. His hairâs shorter, skin darker the way it always was in the summertime. It makes all his freckles that much more visible. Art hates to admit the facial hair looks kinda good on him.
His body looks good too⊠Artâs eyes drift downward over where the towel is covering his very hard dick.
âI am so sorry Mr. Donaldson Iâm a big fan. I think you are so talented. Not many Americans can win on clay,â Whatever his name is saying with a thick accent Art canât place. It pulls Art out of whatever daze he was in. God was he just staring? Why was he fucking staring? He looks at Patrickâs face again and heâs looking at Art, amused. Smug.
Artâs annoyed all over again.
âAnd your game against Padilla.â The kid is still talking. âThat was so good. I rewatched it twice. Youâre soââ
âThanks,â Art interrupts, his tone clipped. Heâs not sure why heâs suddenly irritated with his presence. This dumb kid, probably 24 or 25, pink cheeks, perfect body just on his knees forâŠ
âDidnât he beat you yesterday?â Art asks, meanly, with a smirk.
His pretty little face goes stormy and Art feels a cruel internal joy when he sees it.
He mutters something in another language but Artâs certain itâs a swear word.
âI justâit was a bad day. Iâm ranked much higher than him.â The kid tries to recover but heâs clearly embarrassed.
âSure, exactly. It was just a bad day, Grosu,â Patrick chimes in, smiling as he rubs himself idly. âLemme make you feel better.â
âYouâre no good for me, Zweig.â The kid mutters.
âThatâs not what you said last night,â Patrick smirks up at him.
Artâs jaw sets with irritation. Especially when Patrickâs grabbing at the kidâs waist and pulling him closer. Artâs not trying to look but for whatever reason his eyes trail back down. Probably because Patrick is just so insistently hard. And heâs touching it, just casually touching it.
The weirdest part is the way Art can feel his own balls tightening. It makes no fucking sense. He canât possibly be getting hard. Heâs one fucking step away from talking to his doctor about Viagra because he canât get it up for someone as fucking beautiful as his wife and right now on a random night in the middle of the sauna is when heâs just ready to go. Brilliant. Itâs like the universe just enjoys finding new ways to fuck with him.
The kid has forgotten about him, mesmerized by Patrick. Letting Patrick just touch him, all over. Art feels like his blood is boiling hotter than the room. He hurries outside without another word before the way his cock is swelling becomes visible to them. Not that they fucking care.
Heâs barely made it into the locker room toilet stall when heâs leaning against the door jerking himself stupid. The whole thing is so fucked because in his head heâs imagining Patrickâs hands all over him. Touching him. Fucking him. Not that stupid pretty boy loser. Fucking loser. Fucking loser. Fucking loser. His mind chants over and over, not sure if itâs about the kid or Patrick or himself. All the while his hand is racing over his dick, so desperate until heâs coming hard, spraying his load all over his hand and the toilet seat. âOh fuck,â he gasps.
Because what the fuck is he doing? Heâs too old for this shit. Mind games and lust and weird teenaged flirting. He needs to go home to his wife and kid. Heâs a grown up. He has responsibilities. Patrickâs still a fucking child. Just doing whatever he wants. Just fucking whoever he wants. Like Tashi. Itâs been years and it still stings. And now some stupid fucking boy sucking his dick when anyone could just walk in. Itâs offensive. Art should probably complain. Tell that loser kids coach or whoever heâs working with that he needs to focus and maybe not fuck around with someone like Patrick Zweig. He cleans up quickly and hurries to go wash his hands.
He spots movement behind him in the mirror and turns to see Patrick walking from the lockers towards the shower. Naked. With only a towel on his head. God how long was he in here? Did he hear Art?
Patrick stops to smirk at him. Heâs not hard anymore which means he probably fucked the kid. Itâs still so fucking big even when heâs soft. Art swallows. âWhat do you want?â He manages.
âNothing. You just look pretty flushed. Are you okay?â He says, grinning (like he knows what Art did). âI thought you went home.â He wraps the extra towel heâs got draped over his shoulder around his waist, covering himself and Art relaxes a bit.
âI am going home,â Art says. âWhereâs the dumb kid?â
Patrick laughs, âYou know heâs 27, right.â
âWell heâs still a loser,â Art shrugs. He doesnât care. He hopes he never sees him again. (And that Patrick doesnât either).
âGod, must feel good to walk around with all that power. He got so in his head from your little comment. He wanted to go home. Didnât even want to finish. Itâs like he didnât even remember how much fun we had last night after drinks.â
Artâs not sure how to take any of that. On one hand heâs mildly satisfied that he sent the kid into a tailspin, but still fucking irritated that he⊠that he what⊠that he got to fuck Patrick in the first place? This is so fucked. He canât want this. He cannot want this.
âWell youâre not dressed yet.â Patrick continues, casually. âYou sure you donât want to join me and clean up in the shower?â
âI uhâ uhââ Art stammers, while he white knuckles the towel on his waist, his heart rate picking up and the distant feeling of arousal that heâd just conquered incredibly stirring again. He wants this. Fuck he wants this. âNo Iââ
âIâm just teasing,â Patrick shrugs, interrupting before Art can finish. An oddly melancholic expression flitting over his face. And then immediately back to being his usual carefree (careless?) self. If not a little more distant. Formal. âGood night, Donaldson, see you in the final.â
âGood night,â Art says, feeling his stomach sink just a little bit. He wishes he didnâtâ but he believes it now with 100 percent certainty that Patrick is rightâ that theyâre both going to end up there.
(Sorry anon that this took so long and also I apologize if this is what you were looking for. Itâs been hectic so I didnât have much time to get to into itâ also wanted to leave a little space for canon to canon lol. Art is still so mad that heâs attracted to Patrick he needs to hurt him more đ)
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Here are some of my hot (or maybe tepid) takes about arcane:
(Under the cut bc i got wordy lol)
-the show could have used another season or like at least 5 more eps per season. Thats not a dig at the creators bc we know they were already forced to cut stuff out, but imho it shows a little, esp in s2. I fully believe Sevika was one of the biggest victims here, i genuinely believe she had an arc in s2 act 3 that was fully cut. And her being one of the biggest defenders of zaunite independence also means that by cutting her they basically gutted that storyline.
-the sheer lack of time with some characters also means that i simply did not connect with some of them, which made their deaths kind of underwhelming. Like i gasped when loris, isha, elora and sky died, but i cant say i was actually sad. That might be a me problem, but i need a little more time and info on a character to feel literally anything about them.
-on the other hand: we need to accept that sometimes background or minor characters are just that. No they werent robbed, no they werent underwritten, theyre simply not that important and thats OK bc theyre characters, not real people. You dont need to give equal attention to all characters for it to be "fair". And i sometimes feel like ppl think they HAVE to bemoan this. esp when its a female character a lot of fans talk about "sidelining" or "theyre using them as a plot device!!" Buddy, sometimes characters are literally just there to move the plot along, thats not inherently a social justice issue. (Ive seen this the most with sky and lest and like.... sorry, they were never gonna be more important than this. They can still be your fave, but just bc you wanted to see more of them doesnt mean they were sidelined for nefarious reasons)
-however sometimes the problem isnt that a character got too little screentime. S2 is a perfect example to show you can do a lot of character work in less time (viktor, ekko) and little character work with a lot of screentime (vi, sorry). Viktor and ekko were missing for entire episodes and managed to have full character arcs and vi was kind of there the whole time, but stuff just happened to her? Like she does do a lot, she looks incredibly cool, i liked watching her scenes, but her motivations, her goals and her values are ALL over the place. I love caitvi, but it did kinda ruin vis integrity when she threw away core beliefs (she becomes an enforcer, she temporarily agrees to kill jinx, she participates in chem warfare against the undercity) for cait. Hmmmmm.....
-i wasnt that deep in the fandom in s1 so i might have simply missed it or i might just not be following assholes, but the "jayvik shippers hate mel" thing never made sense to me. NOT because i dont believe it, bc i sure as hell have seen enough mlm shippers be fully misogynistic or racist, but the way ppl (mainly meljay shippers lbr) talked about jayvik shippers being horrible to mel like it was this HUGE thing confused me bc i personally have seen like 2 fanfics where they horribly mischaracterise mel to be a viktor-hating bitch, but thats it? Like, was that an actual problem or was it ppl deliberately misunderstanding stuff? (One specific example: ive seen someone accuse jayvik shippers of being misogynists bc they accused mel of manipulating jayce and sidelining Viktor. Which is a canonical thing happening in the show. Like ofc you can word it in a way to make mel a horrid evil bitch, im sure there are ppl who DO hate mel and think she is an evil succubus, but this person in particular just seemed upset about the fact that ppl were talking about things that mel canonically did.) This is a genuine question, bc from my pov after s1 mel was one of the fan faves and jayvik wasnt THAT big of a deal until s2. I literally saw a hundred times more jayce hate than i did mel hate, but maybe thats not the universal arcane fandom experience? Like, again, i HAVE seen (for lack of a better term) fujoshis get wildly hateful towards female characters in the vicinity of their ship, i was just pleasantly surprised that the arcane fandom seemingly DIDNT. So the unrestrained resentment and bitterness of some fans after jayvik "went canon" caught me off guard.
-the reason i ask this: i saw a video where someone talked about some rando homophobic timebomb fans who apparently resented caitvi for getting a happy ending instead of jinx and ekko. So i commented "i s2g het-shippers act like theyre an oppressed group sometimes" to which another person responded "well jayvik fans were really shitty about mel, soo...." and i was so fucking confused bc what? The video wasnt even about mel or jayvik?? They just heard me make a snarky comment about het ships and immediately felt called out. But yeah thats what prompted my question.
-i dont get the thirst for the fish man. I get the salo thirst even less. I cheered when jayce bonked him.
-i actually dont want jayce or viktor to appear in future projects. While i love the idea of them being ~not dead~, i think any further canonical storylines about them would devalue the extremely emotional ending they had. Like, imagine if they only bring one of them back?? What then?? No, i actually prefer post-canon fix it fanfics in this case. (Cough cough esp bc this way i can still plausibly delude myself into them being actually canon and yall KNOW it probably would not stay this way if their story continues)
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Sometimes I think about the Voice and Vessel ships that aren't their respective pairs. So I'm gonna ramble about the ones I really like
Hero and Thorn: I like to think that out of all the vessels, Hero would resonate with Thorn the most. Both of them start off as soft individuals who end up hurting each other after things go south and becoming hostile and cautious. But they eventually reach a point where they are so tired of all the pain and mistrust. Even so, they still want to believe they can make things right and leave together peacefully. Hero always believed in doing the right thing. His compassion is enough to let Thorn know that he truly wants to help her and she can trust him. She's scared of being hurt again and so is he. Now that they understand each other and the pain they've been through, they want to reassure each other that things will be ok between them now. And that's just very sweet to me.
Wraith and Opportunist OR Wraith and Cheated: Ok I might be cheating here since I choose two different voices to pair with Wraith. But I like them both for different reasons! The dynamic between Wraith and Opportunist is just so hilarious (Scary villainess and her loyal bumbling henchman LOL). I love how he tries to butter up to her and she isn't having it at first, but then she starts finding him amusing. And if you let her out, she's genuinely endeared by his support. It's a funny interaction and probably the one nice thing Oppy has ever done for a princess. It also makes sense too since they both have abandonment issues and will do anything it takes to not be hurt again, even if it means they have to hurt others. As for Wraith and Cheated, both are pissed off by the unfair circumstances that they are each placed in (Wraith being cruelly slain as a trapped prisoner and Cheated taking on the role as a slayer with a terrible reward). They take out their anger on each other because they both think that the other made things worse for them. But even so, I like to think this shared feeling might offer both of them to connect somehow. Even if these two aren't willing to empathize with each other, they both know that whatever game they're playing in is "rigged against them". So perhaps, if they were to put their hatred aside and work together, they can both fight for the freedom they've been longing for so long. It may never happen, but ideally it would be an endearing dynamic.
[The next few ships include Pristine Cut Spoilers]
Paranoid and Happily Ever After: We know that Paranoid is usually afraid of the princess, always expecting the worst possible thing she could do to her. But what happens when she meets a princess who just wants to make her happy and is clearly miserable because of it? Despite her initial caution, Paranoid realizes that HEA is just as trapped as she is and urges her to be honest so that the both of them can be free. Sure enough, that urge is what encourages HEA to finally speak up for herself. Perhaps she knows how anxious Paranoid is but still wants her to feel comfortable around her. So she tries to build trust with the voice by being patient and caring towards her. Thanks to this, Paranoid slowly feels less afraid of HEA. Both of these fragile souls know how much it hurts to have their will and freedom taken away, but they can seek comfort in each other now that they are finally free.
Cold and Fury: I really love how out of all the vessels, Cold is clearly amused by Fury (if you get him from Adversary). As a voice who claims to "feel nothing", it would be expected for him to be drawn to someone filled with raw emotion. (WHO'S READY FOR BURNED BRIDGES 2.0 BABYYYYYYYYYY) But then it turns out that he shares something in common with her. Both of them are desperate to feel something, anything. And for Fury in particular, she wants to feel the spark she once had so bad but can't anymore. Once she's taken out all of her anger, once she's done with her agonizing torment, she's left in a sad, lost, and empty state. But Cold is still there. Despite everything, he was able to withstand all the pain. And he too wants to feel something; he just didn't want to do the same thing over and over with Fury. Even if they have both have grown numb to their own feelings, they can still build something together. It's not too late for either of them.
Skeptic and Eye of the Needle: So this is mostly based on the updated ending for EOTN when you free her with Skeptic. Once she's finally out, she is left in a state of confusion. Violence is the only thing she ever cared about and everything outside of that is so new to her. She feels so lost and scared, as if she had long forgotten something important. And that's when Skeptic comes in. He'd be the best one to help her come to terms with her identity crisis. He also knows what it's like to feel lost with so many unanswered questions and he's sure EOTN has a lot of them. So he's willing to guide her towards the answers she is looking for, no violence required. And EOTN would be grateful for this...although this probably won't stop her from wanting to fight him too. (She'd still think heâs a weakling who needs to toughen up and be her equal.) The spark she once had isn't lost yet; she just needs a different approach.
#wysty's thoughts#wysty's headcanons#slay the princess#stp pristine cut#stp thorn#stp wraith#stp hea#stp happily ever after#stp fury#stp eotn#stp eye of the needle#voice of the hero#voice of the opportunist#voice of the cheated#voice of the paranoid#voice of the cold#voice of the skeptic
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Oh, no... *looks around nervously* The Beard Debate? You want me to wade into The Beard Debate? When I said you all could tag me into virtually anything and I'd eventually pop up, I might have spoken too soon...đ Alright, fine, in the spirit of holidays, I'll throw up an opinion so someone can have the seasonal joy of yelling at me over how wrong I am about at least one aspect of this. đ
If some people are suggesting that having a beard would go along with "taking charge" in Heaven, as the OP is saying is the vibe they're picking up on with some of the discussion? I would agree that that's very sad and concerning. Equating a hyper-traditional definition of masculinity with leadership is very worrisome. It's also not showing a great understanding of Aziraphale.
I really do not ultimately care what Aziraphale's look is because he'd be delectable any which way to Sunday. He's a bamf with or without a beard. Having one or not having one wouldn't make him more or less masculine-- that's lunacy. It shows just how much these traditional gender ideas are baked into many people's minds because this stuff in the Good Omens fandom, of all places, is... *sigh*
While I agree with the OP saying that they don't need to change their looks to be reflective of taking on new roles, I think it's more about what they're doing reflecting where they're at in their lives and we do change as people so I don't really have an issue with Aziraphale's look changing. I just have a different idea of why it might, I think, because I have never actually thought that Aziraphale is going to be taking Gabriel's job.
I've never thought much about what he'd be wearing up there because I don't believe the villain's temptation job offer is really the plot. I see the story as Satan appearing to Aziraphale as The Metatron to tempt him with the fake job offer and that Aziraphale just was successfully tempted at the end of S2. As a result?
Demon!Aziraphale is upon us. He's really always been here because the demons are all just angels but being officially deemed one might yield a new look.
So, others might be talking about some sort of "leadership beard", whatever that is, but I've been back on Ye Olde TV Trope of The Weirdly Hot Depression Beard. đ I've been thinking of it more with the idea of it reflecting him adjusting to being officially the Demon!Aziraphale he's always been and it being a part of the look that reflects that.
I will admit that I want them to show the severity of what Aziraphale is undergoing in a way that involves his look, especially his clothes, because I think it would be the more impactful move. Aziraphale wearing the same clothes for so long is his choice and they have personal meaning to him. There can be some magical ways to maybe get some of it back by the end of things, if that's what Aziraphale decides he wants. He ultimately will have the power to present himself as he wants. One of the most powerful ways to underscore this fall for the audience, though, would be to change Aziraphale's appearance pretty dramatically.
I'm Team Beard but understand that I didn't join for any of that Supreme Archangel Aziraphale stuff or any sense of masculinity-related nonsense. I just think it'd make a fun contrast to Aziraphale being more fastidious before to have him look as a demon more like, well... like Michael Sheen, honestly. đ I want the salt 'n pepper beard and wild curls. This (with less murder) for Demon! Aziraphale, please:
Unpopular Opinion
(At least from what I've seen in the fandom)
Okay. It's time for me to confess. I kind of hate the idea of Aziraphale having a beard in s3. There, I said it. But I have reasons.
So, first of all, I don't really think it suits the character. Don't get me wrong, I love how Michael Sheen looks with a beard, but Aziraphale? I don't know, I don't see it going very well with their style. But this could also be related to my personal taste. I have more intricate reasons.
The thing is, every time I've read about people hoping Aziraphale will have a beard in s3, they were also connecting it to Aziraphale being badass in Heaven, taking the lead, showing their protective streak in a stronger way, having a more...masculine behaviour? Maybe? That's what I got from those posts most of the time.
And hey, I'm all for Aziraphale fighting to make a change in Heaven, but I don't really like the implication that, in order to show their protective side more, they also need to change their looks to appear stronger/bossier and all that jazz.
It would actually be kind of a comfort to me to see them act that way and still be themself, as we've always known them. Especially considering that this part of them is not new. It's true that, until now, we've always seen Aziraphale protect what (and who) they love in a more subtle way, but it's still protection and it's always been there.
That's why I think they don't necessarily need a new look. But, if we do get one, I actually hope it will be something more similar to how we saw them in the Bastille episode, or giving the same vibes they were giving in the changing room with that feathered boa. I mean, they were playing like that one second and delivered that "Aziraphale" to Furfur the next! They can act tough AND look all pretty and silly (in a good way).
With all that being said, I won't be mad, disappointed, or anything like that if Aziraphale ends up with a beard. It's not something that bothers me at such a level. What I've never really liked were the implications some people were writing around the concept of the beard. If it makes any sense.
So, that's my end-of-the-year confession. Don't hate me, please.
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mouthwashing characters when youâre depressed
ship. tulpar crew x reader cw. sfw + fluff/comfort
an. s/o to @xyfanficarchive for the Daisuke ideas!!!! my museâŠ
Curly
Oh he gets it. Full understands what youâre going through. (You canât tell me he isnât on some sort of anxiety/depression meds or at least got a potential diagnosis).
Curly most likely predicted that a depressive episode was coming. Whatever your key âtellâ is: whether you start pulling back, issues sleeping, more nonchalant, appetite changes, it starts setting off bells in his head and heâs prepping.
He doesnât wanna outright ask âare you depressed?â (He doesnât know how to approach the subject at first really). So he just acts/reacts accordingly. He makes meals, helps you shower/bathe (heâs not gonna force you every day but if you go 2 or more days without it heâs putting you in there himself).
He even does little things like making sure you wash your face at least once a day and brush your teeth too.
Honestly, he does enjoy taking care of you. I think this is how heâd show he loves you for real. Even when youâre at your lowest youâre worth caring for. (It also distracts from his own issues buuuuut. Thatâs another story.)
My only qualm is I think he has that âtoxic positivityâ mindset unknowingly. Heâs always like âitâs gonna get better! you need to drink more water/take vitamins/work out!â (these are just things heâs constantly telling himself tbh).
But Curly isnât stupid. Like he will quickly pick up thatâs not working for you and not what you need to hear and shift into a âshut up and help outâ mindset. He moves from self help mode to just being there for you. I really have this mental image of him just hugging you on the couch and talking about his day. Sneaking in a few kisses or just giving compliments. But also if youâre not into that he just rubs your back while you bedrot. Youâre quiet but enjoying time together and you know heâs there for you.
Jimmy
Been there, done that.
Okay, but seriously. Heâs not to pressed at first. Heâs basically living between bouts of depression, general neutrality, and mania. So this just seems like an inevitable âphaseâ you gotta go through.
But this is what makes him the most realistic when dealing with this. Jimmy isnât gonna baby you or anything. Heâs just like âit be like thatâ forreal. And unlike curly heâs not gonna rebuttal with reasons why life is great and why you shouldnât be sad, heâs gonna agree. You say life is shit? Yeah, Jimmy 100% agrees. You two commiserate and itâs actually really cathartic because for once someone doesnât make you feel crazy for being so down when thereâs âso much to live forâ.
He self medicates when heâs depressed. Youâre getting offered pills or alcohol or a blunt or something. Whether you take it is up to you.
I can say Jimmy, for once, would stay sober. If heâs in a good enough mental state heâll take one for the team and trip sit you or whatever so you can get that nice dopamine rush in peace.
Jimmy thinks itâs insane that heâs doing this, but when youâre depressed, and like really depressedâgoing through one of those terrible phases heâs been through before, he genuinely feels sympathetic. And it prompts him to do things he never thought. By that I mean doing your laundry, cooking what he can, making the bed. He doesnât really get why, but he wants to do this and only for you. He really is angry about the fact no one has done this for him when he was in the same boat, but the thought of you having to suffer like he did? Just no. Heâs gonna pitch in. He just has to.
But again, heâs best for commiserating. You two bitch heavily about how much the world sucks over way too many beers on his back porch. Probably throw rocks or smash junk while absolutely hammered, too. Then the next morning youâre hungover as shit and spend the day recovering before itâs back to âit is what it is.â Like yeah, it sucks and you feel like shit, but at least you have each other in your corners. If one of you is still kicking, itâs only fair the other is too.
Anya
Like Curly, she knew this was coming a mile away. Anya is not stupid. Sheâs spent so much time with her nose in psychology books that she gets tipped off insanely fast.
Unlike Curly though, she wants to address the problem. Anya starts gently at first with a simple âare you okay?â It opens the floor for you to be honest. And if you arenât willing to talk about it or if you mask it with an âIâm fine!â She just. Frowns. Anya does not believe it, but sheâs not gonna force you.
Until you start with more textbook symptoms. Then sheâs like âI think you might be having a depressive episode.â Sheâs not letting you dance around it by then. You two are facing this head on.
and the good thing is that you guys talk about it. Like actually talk. Anya listens, lets you say your peace. Nods in understanding and shows you sheâs actively taking her time to understand you. Then instead of giving her two cents, she asks you what you want her to do. Anya wants to know how she can help you in the moment and in the long run.
And she does it! Whatever sheâs able to, sheâs gonna do it. Anya is a really reliable partner and just truly solid. It can be anything from sharing a shower, ordering takeout and chilling on the couch, or even if you just need her to be in the same room but leave you the fuck aloneâsheâs there for you.
Sheâs definitely recommending tips from psychology books too. Journaling, eating spicy foods, getting a little exercise if possibleâyou guys go down a laundry list to help kick this episode in the butt.
And then when the time comes, you two have a good conversation about therapy/medication. (Donât worry she wonât offer to be your therapist and encourages you to see a neutral third party you can be honest with)
Daisuke
OkayâŠDaisuke is a bit of a mixed bag. I think heâs been sad, but not truly depressed.
He doesnât catch the warning signs, so at first when it hits, Daisuke just thinks youâre in a bit of a funk. Itâs okay! Heâs been through this before. And heâs happy to help you out of it!
Daisuke takes you to the arcade, thrifting, maybe on a little shopping spreeâŠbut when that doesnât work (or when he canât even encourage you to do it in the first place), Dai hits a wall.
Heâs confused. And worried. Really worried about you. This depends on you as a person and whether it makes you feel better or worse, but I think itâs very visible how your depressive episodes affect him. Until he really understands what it is and what it means, Daisukeâs really fretting when this happens.
And soâŠhe voices that concern. âI just noticed that you seem sad. Like, really sad. And I donât know what to do!â So!! He asks!! What can he do to help you? Or do you even want his help?
And whatever your answer is, he does it. Heâll give you reminders that he loves you, takes care of you, even binges shitty tv shows over even more terrible for you junk food. As long as he can just keep showing heâs there for you and that youâre worth it. That he loves you even when youâre at your lowestâŠthatâs what matters the most.
And just being the goof he is, heâs gonna do things to make you smile. Dancing around the kitchen, showing you his playlist of funny TikToks, cracking some stupid jokes he may or may not have stolen from Twitter. Any time he can crack even a hint of a smile heâs fist pumping and celebrating.
And thenâŠhe is probably going to recommend therapy. (He has an awesome adhd therapist heâs working w so. Heâs singing the praises for it to you.)
Swansea
Oddly enough I really see him similar to Jimmy. Swanseaâs so realistic heâs just like âyouâre depressed? Yeah life sucks, so what? You keep going.â
But heâs smart enough to not be like âjust get off your assâ. He takes pity on you, whether he likes it or not. Seeing you out of your element does make him upset.
Heâs a comiserater, but heâs always going to counter with like âbut we keep going anyways.â And if youâre like âbut why?â Heâs like âwhy not?â
Like yeah, shit isnât always good, so you settle for mediocrity. Because the mundane can actually be really nice. Swanseaâs a simple pleasures manâgood coffee, good food, good times spent relaxing either alone or with the ones you love. Thatâs what makes it all worth it.
Swanseaâs like âyou can have your little moments where it all seems like shit, but eventually you gotta face the music and go back to reality.â
Heâs a very grounding presence, though. Iâll give him that. Heâs also 100% going to cook for you. And you can tell he cares because he has difficulty leaving you alone. He hopes that you seeing him doing stuff. Persisting. That itâll give you some hope.
and when you start getting more back to normal, showing interest again in your usual hobbies or responsibilitiesâyou can see a weight visibly lift off his shoulders.
#mouthwashing x reader#mouthwashing#anya x reader#curly x reader#daisuke x reader#swansea x reader#captain curly
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Your latest time-travel verse made me rewatch Kyoraku vs Starrk battle over Fake Katakura.
I have to say, over the years, I have forgotten how sad that battle is. The way Starrk mourns even Barragan's death and loses his (already small to begin with) desire to fight after it... The only reason the guy followed Aizen was because Aizen gave him... friendsđ A pack. The only reason he fought was to protect that pack. Doesn't matter if that pack consisted of some shady individuals. It was his. The first and only one he got in all his 1000+ years of existence. He had no desire to strike down his enemies - didn't kill Ukitake, proposed Love and Rose to retreat with their lives... In a way, he and Ichigo are very much alike in that sense.
Starrk was too honorable and naive and paid for that.
And Shunsui killed Lilynetteđ It is so heartrending when Starrk calls out to her with no answer...
Shunsui's philosophy, on the contrary, allows him "to be evil" in order to win. Yes, he does not like war, just like Starrk, but IMHO, "as soon as the war starts both sides are at fault" does not mean Shunsui is saying that both sides are wrong in the war and to not fight till you completely disable / kill your opponent. I think, to paraphrase, it means: "As soon as the war start, to win, both sides *will* have to be evil / There are no good people in a war because winning a war requires one to do evil things, so someone who were maybe a good person will have to become evil to win". This philosophy, basically, is "to unbound his hands" (as we say in our language, meaning when something is used to make a person free to act), a workaround that allows him to be ruthless to his opponents, despite his pacifistic nature.
Anyway, emotional rant over. I guess I just wanted to share my painđ„Č I just hope Shunsui killing a part of Starrk's soul and the only family he had will somehow be addressed between them in the future in your fic's universe. I think it's just too huge to leave out. And the only way I can see Starrk never saying anything at all to his Shunsui in TYBW timeline - is because he is THAT much of a sucker for pain and/or THAT much desperate for a genuine connection with somebody.
Starrk is just a really tragic character with a really tragic arc, canonically he was never meant to be saved or have a chance at something better.
I don't know if I'd call him particularly honourable, if only because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing he'd really think about and adhere to as a Hollow who'd spent his whole life in a place like Hueco Mundo, not in the same way a Shinigami would. I think it was more that he just didn't want to kill anyone when he'd already killed so many without ever having a choice in the matter, and now that he did, he didn't want to keep doing that if he didn't absolutely have to. He was definitely a bit naive about it because it was war, and he was up against one of the most powerful and ruthless Shinigami in existence. The moment he decided to hold back, he was destined to lose.
For Shunsui, I agree, he believes that to win a war, people have to get their hands dirty, and you can't do that and still remain "good". I also think he thinks that it's disrespectful to not do everything in his power to win, because even if that means throwing away his honour, to do anything less means risking the lives of those he's fighting that war for.
Which ties into why I personally think Starrk doesn't really blame Shunsui for Lilynette's death. I think Starrk is smart enough and similar enough to Shunsui to understand him. And why blame Shunsui when he can blame himself? He's the one who held back from the start, he didn't fight as hard as he could, he even had the chance to kill Shunsui if he'd just gone down to finish the job after shooting him instead of just backing off after disabling him, or he could've even shot him somewhere more leathal like the back of the head instead of the shoulder/chest, because at their level, which Shinigami or Hollow wouldn't survive a simple injury like that? He would've also been able to sense full well that Shunsui's reiatsu signature hadn't disappeared. So that choice is on him, and he paid for it with Lilynette's life.
I also think Starrk didn't have much conviction or resolve, I mean I don't think most of the Espada really believed in Aizen's cause, they just followed him for more power or because Aizen tricked them or forced them, and prob with a side of hypnosis to pave the way. So Starrk didn't even have anything concrete to believe in and fight for aside from a debt he felt he had to repay, and that was quickly wearing away when he saw how Aizen didn't give a shit about them.
So overall, he went into battle against Shunsui without any desire to fight or kill because he thought he didn't really have anything he wanted enough to fight for, right up until he lost Lilynette and realized that yeah he did have something precious to lose after all. In contrast, Shunsui was fighting for Soul Society and to protect his fellow Shinigami, and at the time, he definitely understood that far better than Starrk did.
If Starrk had survived, I think he would've understood that too, plus he just doesn't have the kind of temper that lashes out and casts blame on others due to excess emotion; rather, he has the sort of analytical mind to comprehend the cause and effect of things pretty instantly. That would all play a big part in why he wouldn't blame Shunsui for doing what he had to do to take Starrk out. He and Lilynette were one, Shunsui would've had to kill both of them sooner or later, otherwise he might as well lie down and give up, Starrk wasn't exactly an opponent he could take it easy with.
In the time travel verse here, Idk if I'd make it a particularly huge thing, because for Starrk it's been like 10+ years, I imagine he's laid that ghost to rest a long time ago even if the loss still hurts sometimes, plus it's not TBTP!Shunsui who killed her, and i think he would've hashed out the issue with TYBW!Shunsui already at the beginning. Of course, TBTP!Shunsui is bound to find out about it eventually, which could be interesting to poke at.
But in Take What's Broken (Make It Whole), it'll definitely come up sooner or later. Even if Starrk doesn't bring it up first, Shunsui will, and even if there's no blame, I imagine they would at least have to talk about it going forward.
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Still what he did was wrong. Goes to show that you can do anything in life as long as youâre liked and thats just sad. Saying hes hot too bothers me like yall like a murder when he should have gone to therapy or something he threw all his gifts away. Iâll never support a thing about it. The insurance companies wont change and trust i have been unwell too but a wrong doesnt right a wrong
I agree, evicting those ghosts is an almost unforgivable crime. Just because they kidnapped his brother doesn't make trapping them in a vacuum and ending their undead lives okay. And he's not even hot, I mean look at him, why would you would call him hot?
#the turtle gets asks#i feel like this removes a lot of nuisance from the conversation#especially from the conversation about why people are on his side#but you are entitled to not agree with his choices#i myself wouldn't make the same ones either
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I finished Veilguard, so spoilers ahead!
I didn't really get any pics of the end cause I was focused on what was happening so I didn't capture my Solavellan ending (I think I'll just reload right before it to get pictures before I delete my save) but that truly made me sick I love them sm - when they were speaking Elven to each other like my pookies đ Solas in general will always make me so sad. He's so tragic and I love him. Overall though the ending was just wild, I knew something was weird with Varric but I didn't necessarily guess THAT ??? that shit was straight crazy and replaying it is gonna make me like hyper vigilant to how the other characters react cause WHAT do u mean u sit there and let me be crazy as shit low-key. anyway I'm gonna play again and mayhaps I'll play Alya again some time, I still haven't fully decided who I'll play next but I'm excited.
My only complaints really are that I wish there was more romance (which EVERYONE said) Taash's romance was nice, and they're hawt asf but definitely could've had more dialogue and scenes specifically! Especially like I remember telling my partner that I wish I could erase my memory and romance Solas again. His romance was just so good, partly because he's Solas but also I felt there was a decent amount of content in DAI that seemed to fall through in Veilguard. Also, a lot of things felt sort of rushed I guess? Some of the issues or anything like that to me seemed to be briefly brushed upon before we moved to something else. This wasn't everything but it did seem to happen often (like the thing w Solas and Mythal at the very end... there's a lot implied there!)
Overall though the game is very easy to play, which I'll never complain about, I enjoyed most of my companions and it'll be fun to explore other romances, options, and just kind of see what I pick up on now that I know certain things. but yeah, I kinda regret not taking any endgame pics but I'll remake Vela at some point and get that ending again. I'd like to make Phaedrus (my Dorian romance) too at one point so we'll see. It truly has me itching to romance Solas again teehee
I guess one last thing - I'd like to say the theme of the game was very interesting, which I think is why I felt that it fell short right at the end. The theme of regret has a lot of potential and I feel it wasn't as explored as it could've been, but I was still happy for Solas in the end. I can't imagine playing a playthrough where you don't help him đ I guess I could maybe understand but I just couldn't do it. I truly feel bad for him at the end of the day. I just wish it explored it a little more like we got to see with Rook in the fade quest.
#solas#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#mine#veilguard#alya mercar#dragon age rook#rook#solavellan#commentary#thoughts
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missing them
#my candy love#mcl armin#mcl lysander#people i'm forever going to miss them so so so so much omg#and not to be mean or anything because it's makes me sad too but i think that if there's like cameos of the OG characters#like they are probably going to be mainly Cas and mayyyyyyyybe Nath ig. maybe priya girliepop idk (i'm talking about LIs)#so i don't have the hope of seeing the loml in NG and of course they are not obligated to include them but. yk.#those two are the reason i'm in the fandom in the first place. every time i think about mcl i think about them#and i'm going to say it (i think i've said it before): i love the ep 3 thomas illu the most because i feel like it's soooo lysander route#also ep 2 thomas? armin route. people-#mcl high school life you'll forever be famous to me even if you are more than a decade old. idc ilysm.
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Can we talk about how fcked up Charles can be sometimes? Can we talk about how Charles can sometimes be actually scary as a person? Like he can legit be nefarious sometimes, but those moments are not as talked about as Erik's warcrimes (aside from the holocaust visions from TAS)
girlfriend i promise we're all very aware about how wack charles xavier can be and i assure you his nefarious moments are talked plenty from what i run into. like outside of this inbox most times you breathe charles' name to someone they'll be prepared to start swinging
#snap chats#its kinda funny tho. like out of all the charas ive fave'd over the years its funny how charles incites the most violence#and i get it i aint sayin it unfounded !!! just funny alright i stand with my problematic wife and all his wrongdoings. sometimes.#six decades of writers and writing decisions will lead to a lot of Girl What decisions#like marvel ruins. where charles is president. sorry girls im bringing it up if we wanna talk bout Fucked Up Charles#i mean those issues arent really. good. not just cause its grotesquely dark I Can Enjoy Dark And Gruesome Themes#the art's also hauntingly beautiful to look at its sad it's attached to such a nothing series. theres no real story ..#like i doint MIND dark or morally-dubious charles im a fan of it even when its done right or interesting#but thats where marvel ruins fumbles It Doesnt Do Anything Interesting with a morally corrupt charles#it just goes 'yeah hes fucked up and does terrible things now' like ok and .......... wheres the rest of the sauce ...#a less Gruesomely Fucked decision comparatively charles did was plant a virus on david because he didnt trust him Not to fuck things up#he regrets it like five seconds later after he realized How Fucked Up That Was but still ... charles ... im going to chokeslam you...#back to the main topic tho. its very funny because charles be catching strays on xmen twitter too#and i mean The Sincerest Of Strays tho i guess if you try Any xmen topic can go back to charles#but the post'll be bout an entirely different bloke or lass and theyll be wishing ill will on cue ball like girl he aint even HERE#anyway. yeah charles' imperfections is what makes him really interesting. to me. thank you#now for my next post to be an awkward juxtaposition to this one unless someone ones to throw in an ask last minute#and i mean very last minute i think i have all the tags typed up ont he other one vjeLKEJA
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 6
Meta Knight begins his long fall to Popstarâs surface and passes by some familiar faces on the way down.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Dark Meta Knight#Sailor Dee#Taranza#sorry it took me so long to finish this page but itâs finally done#I hope that the title of the comic makes sense to everyone now#I called it Knightfall in Dream Land because the knight fell into Dream Land lmao#the parts of the comic set in the present are occurring around the time of Return to Dream Land#so the gang hasnât met Taranza yet and isnât aware of Floraliaâs existence#but since Meta has a long fall to the surface Iâd imagine heâd probably crash through Floralia on the way down and pass by the mirror#I tend not to give specific ages/age numbers to Kirby characters in my fanart/fan AU#the first reason for this is that different characters probably age at different rates since theyâre different species#and the second reason for this is that I donât see years between game releases equating to years passing for the characters#I mean just look at Adeleine sheâs still a kid in Star Allies even though that was released almost two decades after Crystal Shards lmao#instead of giving characters specific ages I headcanon them as being in certain age ranges#so in the present Kirby Bandee and Sailor are all kids (and Bandee and Sailor are a bit older than Kirby)#I also see characters like Gooey Adeleine and Ribbon as being kids too#while characters like Taranza Susie Magolor Marx and the Mage Sisters are young adults#and characters like Meta Knight Dedede Daroach Captain Vul and Hyness are older adults#but in the parts of the comic set in the past Meta Knight and Dedede are young adults and Taranza is a kid#and Kirby and the Dees are babies#the older spiders shown here with Taranza and Sectonia are OCs of mine who are their mothers#their names are Lady Theraphoza (Taranzaâs mom) and Queen Rachnia (Sectoniaâs mom)#Iâm giving Taranza some backstory since HAL refuses to tell us anything about him except heâs sad about Sectonia lmao#this post has too many tags but maybe Iâll make a separate post with my Spider Lore#Knightfall in Dream Land
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like, archives used to be THE BIGGEST overwatch event for me because it was the most we got in terms of in-game lore and i just genuinely enjoyed playing them (retribution, my beloved), but invasion? don't know her. i refuse to pay for it and not only do i not regret not getting to play it - i haven't even bothered to check the gameplay on youtube. this is how uninterested i am in the game these days. so yeah, the fumbled overwatch big time.
THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING THIS IS THE REALEST THING EVER
genuinely always felt like such a treat going to play the archive missions uuuggghhh i miss her so bad........ there will never be such a fumble for a videogame than ow this i'm absolutely certain
#overwatch#overwatch 2#ask#this is so true tho! i havent looked up gameplay either and i dont really know what happens in that#because I Too refuse to buy it. i generally just have a No Buy rule when it comes to blizzard#not like i ever bought anything besides the game when it first came out but its just exemplified nowadays#dropping the ball on PVE is something ill truly never get over like... come on man....#that was THE MOST hyped about thing AND FOR GOOD REASON!!!!#i'm not saying the PVE was going to expand on some interactions like cassidy to 76 about hanamura#but it COULDVE... and now we will DEFINITELY never know what the hell that meant#outside of PVE though like that's what i mean- there's SO many interesting little lore bits with overwatch#but blizzard's just so careless with it that it's all gone to waste with no where to go#not that it's rock solid lest we all forget. Kiriko.#should i make a post on kiriko because she's such a funny unfortunate character and it's really sad but anyways#i don't want to prattle too long POINT IS. you get me#i miss the archives.........
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with âoriginallyâ I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the âhiatusâ I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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